No Such Nonsense

High and Low Culture Come Crashing Together

2011-11-03T08:04:00.002-04:00

There's much bleak and dispiriting about the world's attention to the Kim Kardashian divorce. That the K-clan is famous in the first place boggles, given that their show causes the physical sensation of rapid brain-cell decay. But, Kim's heart-rending decision divorce after just 72 days has giving us the following delight - a limerick by Booker Prize winner novelist (and fatwa survivor) Salman Rushie, via twitter:

"The marriage of poor kim #kardashian was krushed like a kar in a krashian
her kris kried, not fair! why kan't I keep my share?
But kardashian fell klean outa fashian"

Delightful.

Also heartening, if it is true Kim left her baller to chase after Reggie Bush, I'm quite convinced she'll be able to catch him - just ask his Dolphins teammates and defenses around the AFC.

It's a Drag

2011-03-08T08:39:00.002-05:00

This week, a new PSA for International Women's Day has drawn a good deal of attention because it features the very manly 007 Daniel Craig in drag. But, if you haven't seen it, it's worth listening to the incomparable Dame Judi Dench. The statistics she cites are what should get all the attention.

Movies for Valentines

2011-02-11T07:24:00.002-05:00

Over on Daily Beast, Nora Ephron posts her list of favourite romantic movies. And Ephron should know from romantic movies- she's wrote the Meg Ryan chick-flick trifecta: When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail. (Full disclosure: She also wrote the movie version of Bewitched, but we all make mistakes.)

Ephron's list hits the classics (It Happened One Night), the unexpected (Splash) and the inarguable (Casablanca, Sense and Sensibility). Not a bad place to start for those searching for a Valentine's night choice.

If Ephron's choices don't inspire you, though, perhaps a few of mine will hit the mark: First, skip the obvious (An Affair to Remember), the overblown (Titantic) and the perversely unromantic (Pretty Woman). Instead, settle in for films that actually capture something deep and true about love, whether first love (Say Anything), forbidden love (Brokeback Mountain) or doomed love (The English Patient). And if lighthearted fare is more to your taste? 10 Things I Hate About You, While You Were Sleeping or The Princess Bride should do nicely.

Or, do what I do - just pick anything with Colin Firth.

Feminist Men and Footballers with Daddy Issues

2011-01-27T12:40:00.002-05:00

I came across an article today (on my lunch break, of course) and felt it was of the kind of deep social significance that warrants greater attention: It's a serious enquiry into why women are so in to Ryan Gosling. My age-inappropriate crush on Gosling isn't a secret, so I was curious to find out its deeper meaning. According to a (male) gender studies professor (with, according to his blog, three ex-wives) , it's because Gosling's a hot male feminist who plays the kind of sensitive but flawed men we all dig. I would have said it's because he's a hot, smart Canadian. Because really, what's better than that? Plus, he was on the most ridiculous Canadian TV show ever. And there's this. Seriously, what's not to love?

The Jay Cutler Show

2011-01-24T08:02:00.002-05:00

Last week, I touched on the fact that Jay Cutler isn't the single most popular guy in the NFL. On Sunday, Cutler came out of the game with a vague-sounding knee injury that quickly got the media - and Cutler's fellow NFLer's talking. My favourite, Maurice Jones-Drew on Twitter:

"Hey, I think the Urban Meyer rule is in effect right now... when the going gets tough... QUIT!"

then

"All I'm saying is he can finish a game on a hurt knee... I played a whole season on one."

I think Jones-Drew had a point, but Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher, who at times seemed to be trying to win the game single-handedly for Chicago, would disagree. Suggesting the haters were just jealous, Urlacher used a few choice words to defend his QB's toughness. Thing is, the third-stringer who came in to relieve Cutler seemed a lot more effective than Cutler himself was in the first half. And I've never seen Cutler display anything close to the level of intensity Urlacher displayed in his defense.

Championship Sunday Cheat Sheet

2011-01-20T07:38:00.002-05:00

As I may have mentioned in the past, I get a little geared up for Championship Sunday, certainly more so than for the Super Bowl. Why? Well, first off, it's two games instead of one game plus 18-hours of pre-and-post hype. But generally, the games are just better. The teams know each other, and often don't like each other much. I'd rather watch the Colts and Pats, who live to beat each other, every other year in a winner-take-all-game game than, say, Pittsburgh and Seattle.

So, this year, who is worth cheering for on Sunday? Well, the Colts and Pats are out for a change, and New Orleans didn't make it back. So, it's a wide open field:

New York Jets versus Pittsburgh Steelers

The Jets beat the Colts two weeks ago and the Pats last week, two games that featured abundant hype and managed to live up to it. They hype (and the success, if you ask me) came courtesy of Jets head coach (and reported foot fetishist) Rex Ryan. Ryan made both games personal and all about him. For the Colts, it was his attempt to finally beat Peyton Manning. For the Pats, it was Ryan versus Belichick, coach against coach. He won both games and got his team seriously fired up in the process. The trash talk that has emanated from the Jets locker room has been massively entertaining - Antonio Cromartie straight up called Tom Brady an a$$hole. For this, they have my support. Plus, do you really want to cheer for Ben Roethlisberger?

Green Bay Packers versus Chicago Bears

Here's a classic match-up, one that goes back decades to before there was a Super Bowl. Here, the QBs have gotten a lot of attention this week. Apparently, Chicago's Jay Cutler is in the running to be named the most hated guy in the NFL. According to ESPN's Rick Reilly, Cutler is something of a douche. Good to know. Then there's Aaron Rodgers, the Packer's salvation after the painfully slow non-retirement of Brett Favre. Rodger's got some crap this week for failing to sign an autograph for a cancer survivor. For 3 hours he looked like a jerk. Then, Packers fans went into hurry-up mode and redeemed Rodger's rep. Who to cheer for here? Well, Cutler dates Kristin Cavallari of The Hills. Obviously, Packers it is. (Plus, Clay Matthews!)

The Passion of the Typographer

2011-01-20T07:26:00.002-05:00

We all have pet peeves in life - small irritants that get under our skin to an irrational degree. Mine? Double spaces after a period when typing.

Why should you use just one period? Because this isn't 1950, and you aren't typing on an antique Smith Corona.

Apparently, I'm not the only one with this particular buggaboo! Slate took up the cause as well, and got quite a lot of reaction.

The Great J. Blume

2010-04-07T11:32:00.003-04:00

I saw a post on Jezebel about a Judy Blume quiz. I've tried to cut back on my quiz intake lately, but couldn't help myself on this one.

I loved Judy Blume.

I grew up with her - starting with the silly exploits of Peter and Fudge in Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing, on to the breast-obsessed girls of Are You There God, It's Me Margaret, to the more mature Deenie (masturbation - oh my) and, by sixth grade, secretly on to the very dirty (in my memory anyway) Wifey.

Blume books were the first ones I read as a kid that were concerned with the things I was concerned about (boys, boobs, embarrassing tween angst) and, in a world that didn't yet have Harry Potter, they were the thing that actually got all of my girlfriends reading books. Do kids still read Judy Blume? Or is it all Twilight now?

And for the record, I got 82% on the quiz.

The Worst Olympics Ever?

2010-03-01T08:10:00.002-05:00

So say the London press, and more than a few American media outlets too - focusing on our flubs (like the opening ceremonies erectile dysfunction) and failures (we didn't quite Own the Podium, even if we did take up residence on the top step). But in Canada, with jubilant fans crowding Robson Street every night and Sidney Crosby living up to his billing in overtime of the gold medal hockey game and Stephen Colbert taking us off notice, these Games were a uniquely Canadian success.

Here are my favourite moments of the games:

1. Jon Montgomery's walk and chug through Whistler after winning gold in skeleton. Think he has a future in media, perhaps?

2. Joannie Rochette. I cried more tears during her performances that she did. For a girl who'd had her mental toughness questioned in the past, she showed herself to be a hell of a lot stronger than most of us could be, skating just days after the death of her mother.

3. Alex Bilodeau hugging his brother Frederick after winning gold. I thought the story of Bilodeau and his disabled brother was pimped a bit too hard by CTV in the days following his medal, but at Creekside, it was a perfect moment.

4. Evgeni Plushenko declaring he'd won a platinum medal. Without him and the fabulous Johnny Weir, the men's figure skating competition would have been a bit snoozy, if you ask me. Show me some quads! And at least Russia won something!

5. Norwegian curling pants.

6. David Pelletier as a colour commentator for ice skating. He was critical, thoughtful and hella funny. Rod Black: "And here's Plushenko, the intimidator, back on the ice." Pelletier: "Well, as intimidating as you can be in men's figure skating."

7. Winning a bronze medal while suffering from broken ribs and a collapsed lung. Look, Olympians make me feel lazy enough as I eat Fritos and watch from the sofa. But this is too much!

8. Marianne St-Gelias celebrating as boyfriend Charles Hamelin wins a gold medal, then leaping onto the barrier to give him a hug. Then, him slapping her on the ass in celebration.

9. Clara Hughes, Canada's classiest Olympian, self-described old lady, winning a bronze in her final Games. Few athletes are multiple medalists in one sport. Clara's done it in two sports - and then made a point of donating tens of thousands of dollars to charity while the spotlight was on her.

10. Crosby's goal was epic, but so was the whole game. I'm thinking there are more hockey fans in the world today than there were yesterday, thanks to that game. No wonder Bettman wants to stop sending NHLers to the Olympics.

"I am so smrt"

2010-02-18T09:28:00.002-05:00

No one loves John Mayer like John Mayer does. To quote a sage for the ages, he loves him some him. What's uniquely fascinating about Mayer is how this profound narcissism flows not from his musical talents - which I'm told are actually quite prodigious, guitar-wise - but from his clear belief that he is the most clever kid in the room. Now that isn't always a high bar in the music industry, but Mayer's belief in his own brilliance is what gets him in trouble again and again.

Read The Huffington Post's gallery of the douchiest things Mayer has ever said. Again and again, he is too clever for his own good, desperate for the media types to recognize it, to like him, to tell people how smart he is. But it doesn't take a genius to figure out that it is a bad idea for a privileged white musician to throw out the most loaded word in the language.

On Alexander McQueen

2010-02-18T09:00:00.002-05:00

I'm no fashion expert. I like what I like, I know the names and occasionally guffaw at the ludicrous extravagance of it all. But I also take a lot of pleasure in the artistry of the true originals - of which Alexander McQueen was one. Young, brash and bold, he dressed the bravest of Hollywood's fashionistas and a who's who of music royalty.

He died last week, resulting in a tide of speculation about the reasons behind his suicide. No matter the roots of his depression, fashion will be a paler place without him.

The Games

2010-02-17T07:28:00.003-05:00

I'm as much of a Canadian apologist as you're going to find. I may dislike our Prime Minister and wish some of us could take the sense of entitlement down a notch, but show me a Canadian athlete going for the gold and I'm awash in tears. I was actually, literally holding my breath watching Alex Bilodeau on his last moguls run. I'm a sucker for Canada, Canadians and the Olympic games.

But even I had begun to wonder whether these VANOC games might just be a little under-organized. The lack of snow isn't their fault. But lack of contingencies is. Making people pay to see medal ceremonies seems a bit off too, as does a fence around the Olympic cauldron.

Seems I'm not the only one who noticed.

This Year's Superbowl Primer

2010-02-05T07:45:00.002-05:00

What do you need to know to avoid looking like a NFL neophyte at your Superbowl party in Sunday? Here are the the key plot lines:

The Perfect Seasons that Weren't
Indianapolis and New Orleans were the number one teams in their respective conferences and until week 13 both looked like they had a legitimate chance to go undefeated for the season. They didn't. New Orleans lost 3 ugly games, beginning with a shocker to the Dallas Cowboys. Indy went further undefeated - clinching their division and home-field advantage throughout the playoffs by going 14-0. All they needed to match the Patriot's mythic 16-0 from a few seasons ago was a home win against the almost-out-of-the-playoffs New York Jets and the sad-sack Buffalo Bills. Except Indy head coach Jim Caldwell and, especially GM Bill Polian held true to their commitment at the beginning of the season - a perfect season would mean nothing to them; it's all about the playoffs. So they rested their starters with a lead in the third quarter of the Jets game. They lost and that was that.

An Offensive Battle
Expect a lot of scoring. Both the Saints and the Colts have merciless offenses, and reasonable but fallible defenses. It may be that whoever has the ball last wins.

How They Got Here
Indy beat defensive-stalwarts the Baltimore Ravens, then those same New York Jets.
The Saints crushed the defending NFC-champ Cardinals and then edged out the Minnesota Vikings in an EPIC game two weeks ago. So much for the 'Defense wins championships' theory.

Watch the Kickers
Kickers have been a key story of the play-offs. Never the most popular guys on any team, kickers have been under serious scrutiny lately. The past few weeks saw previous clutch kickers miss critical field goals and cost their teams big games. Can Matt Stover and Garrett Hartley keep it between the up-rights?

Peyton Manning
Manning has 4 MVP awards, more than anyone else in the history of the league. He has one Super Bowl victory. At this stage, Manning is looking to make the case, not that he's the best QB in the league, but that he's the best QB ever. He needs a few more Super Bowls to wrap that up and take Terry Bradshaw, John Elway and Joe Montana down.

Drew Brees
Prior to this season, Brees wanted to be considered one the league's elite quarterbacks. Done. Now, he'd love to go even further. Brees has become an iconic figure in New Orleans since his old team, the Chargers, decided they'd bet the future on Philip Rivers and ditch Drew. After Katrina, Brees embraced his adopted city - emerging as an outspoken and committed volunteer in the rebuilding effort - and the city has embraced him in return.

Battle of the D-List Stars
Reggie Bush - Heisman-trophy winner and potential game changer (witness his crushing runs against the Cardinals) dates Kim Kardashian, of sex tape and Keeping up with the Kardashians quasi-fame. Hank Baskett, journeyman wide receiver for the Colts, is married to Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett, who used to be on The Girls Next Door.

The Parent Trap
Archie Manning, Peyton's dad, was a long-time QB for - wouldn't you know it - the New Orleans Saints. Expect to see him and Peyton's 'lil brother Eli on screen quite a bit during the game. No, Archie wasn't as good as Peyton. He wasn't even as good as Eli.

The New Orleans Factor
The Saints have never been to the Super Bowl. But the connections to New Orleans run deep in Indy too. Peyton Manning grew up in New Orleans. Colts running back Joseph Addai played his college ball at Louisiana State and had his home flooded during Katrina. Just a few fun facts to through out over the guacamole.

Late Night Wars

2010-01-29T07:49:00.003-05:00

I watched the Great Late Night Wars of 2009 with some glee, some horror and more than a little surprise. Whatever you think of it all from an entertainment point of view (where, I'd argue the clear winners were Coco, Kimmel and Letterman - in that order), it was an astonishing example of complete corporate incompetence.

From a business strategy point of view, it's hard to imagine a company doing a worse job. It's not about putting Leno on at ten. That was stupid, but redeemable. The issue is this: once it became clear that the affiliates were unhappy and that NBC would have to make a change at 10, it proceeded to brutally mismanage its most valuable assets. Leno was the clear winner at 11:35, Letterman a distant second. Leno was hugely popular with middle America - affable, likable, middle of the road - so it didn't matter that his peers in Hollywood disliked him. Conan was the edgy winner at 12:35 - smart, weird, popular with the cool kids, lots of room to grow. The Tonight Show was the gold standard of late-night television - the mantle of the legendary Johnny Carson. Now? Well, NBC faces an audience who thinks Jay Leno is selfish jerk, a Hollywood community that very publicly sided with Conan, a revitalized and feisty Letterman across the dial, no Conan at all and tarnished franchise. All in one fell swoop. Well done NBC, well done.

Oh and by the way, Leno was on Oprah yesterday. Click here to read what his body language said. And here to read about what his words said. For those who missed it, here's the short version: "I'm a pompous ass. And you would be too if you could. Neener, neener."

"The American Hamlet"

2010-01-29T07:45:00.002-05:00

In an age of fameosexuals like Heidi Montag and the various Kardashians, it's strange to imagine a man capable of striking such a deep and resonant chord with millions choosing to walk away from fame so completely. But that's what J.D. Salinger did. But first, he wrote one of the greatest anti-heroes in American literature.

If you're seraching for the meaning of Holden Caufield, I think Andrew Pyper said it awfully well.

Oscar Hostage

2009-11-04T07:35:00.002-05:00

If it wasn't going to be Ricky Gervais, Neil Patrick Harris or a return to Jon Stewart (who, I think, most of us at home found a lot funnier than the folks at the Kodak did), you could do a lot worse than picking the slamdunk combo of Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin - smart, smug, a little absurd. Sounds about right to me. And if it means we get to see some Tina Fey into the bargain, I'm sold.

Now, if we could just get them to add a best comedy or musical category instead of this lame 10-best-movies-so-we-could-pretend-to-consider-actual-hits thing they've got going on.

The Unlikley Casanonva

2009-10-30T09:08:00.001-04:00

My deep and abiding love for Malcolm Gladwell is well documented, so this article made me laugh. But not as much as Steve Levitt pointing it out on the Freakonomics blog.

Sporty Happenings

2009-10-30T08:51:00.004-04:00

A few notable notes from the world of sports over the past little while:

Few things amused me more than the Yankee Stadium signs reading "Kate Hudson for MVP". Unfortunately, whatever magic she worked on A-Rod doesn't seem to be carrying over to the World Series. Bet Minka Kelly's relieved - she's so ready for Kate to be gone she can go back to being the hottest Yankee WAG.
Vince Young is starting for Tennessee this week. What does it say about how little confidence Jeff Fisher has in him that it took until the Titans were 0-6? Ouch.
The Saints, Patriots and Colts are looking ridiculously - but predictably - good. But how about the Broncos? I didn't see this one coming. Maybe McDaniels will be the first Belichick protege to live up to hype.
The Leafs have never had a worse opening record in their history - not even in the depth of the Ballard years. I was always a wide-eyed optimist on this front, but now I've come to believe the buds will never contend as long current ownership is in place. Ticket resellers are saying seats are going for half their face value. What is it going to take for fans to demand better?

They Grow Up Fast...

2009-10-30T08:49:00.003-04:00

This is Miley's little sister, all dressed up for Hallowe'en as... I don't know, slutty witch?

My mother would have died first.

Shock and Awe

2009-08-14T08:28:00.002-04:00

First things first - what Michael Vick did was abhorrent. Dog fighting is vicious, cruel and panders to the worst in us. Killing the dogs that perform poorly is just unconscionable.

But there was no way that a history of dog fighting and a short prison term was going to keep Michael Vick out of the NFL.

There is a very short list of proven superstar quarterbacks in the league. Brady, Peyton Manning, Little Eli (depending who you ask), and probably Roethlisberger. A few young guns who may be on their way up - Cutler, Rivers, Flacco. Then there are the solid starters - Brees, Hasselbeck, Romo, and McNabb. What is that - not even a dozen guys? For 32 teams. In a league where Kurt Warner still has a starting job, you know there aren't enough quality QBs to go around.

And here's Vick. 29 years old. Former number 1 pick. Pro-bowler. He is, simply, way more talented than most of the quarterbacks out there. So someone was going to take the chance. Someone would be willing to say "he's paid his debt and seen the error of his ways."

It was only a matter of time.

Public Mourning

2009-07-16T10:11:00.003-04:00

Gallons of ink have been spilled over the past few weeks since Michael Jackson's death. The most interesting aspect for me has been to watch how the media has handled the death of an unquestionably talented, deeply troubled and possibly criminal music icon.

From my seat on the sofa, most of the media coverage has taken a huge bet on the musical genius of our times and yeah, by the way, he was awfully weird. A few have tried to have their cake and eat it to by decrying the media's obsessive, claustrophobic coverage of Jackson while he was alive. I've heard precious little about the truly dark accusations - often just a footnote to bizarre last 20 years of Jackson's decline.

It's hard to know just how to feel about his death. It was an inevitable end to a long, deeply sad journey - but that doesn't make me feel like running out to buy a new copy of Thriller, either.

Emmy Nominations

2009-07-16T09:56:00.002-04:00

The Emmy Awards amuse me. The media and industry tend to treat them like the red-headed stepchild of awards shows - perhaps because few kids grow up dreaming about making an Emmy Acceptance speech. Nope, it's always Oscar, right? So the Emmy's get even less credibility than the Golden Globes - even though actual movie stars (Holly, Glenn, Kyra) have cropped up on TV in growing numbers in recent years.

This year, the folks at the Emmy's have made some interesting moves, like inviting Neil Patrick Harris to host (huzzah) and expanding the number of nominees in the big categories. The latter move has yielded some mixed results:

Jim Parsons gets a nomination for The Big Bang Theory, as does Jermaine Clement of Flight of the Chonchords. Still doesn't stop Charlie Sheen for getting yet another nomination for phoning it in on Two and a Half Men.
How I Met your Mother is up for Best Comedy (huzzah, again). So is Entourage (um, what?).
Somehow, only Michael Emerson makes the cut for Lost, while the brilliant Elizabeth Mitchell gets squeezed out by multiple nominees from In Treatment and Grey's Anatomy. On the plus side, no Katherine Heigl.

Interesting to note that I'd heard nothing about the expanded categories, while the Oscar's (lame) decision to increase the number of nominees for best picture to 10 (so Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen can squeek in?) was all over the news. Yet more proof that the Emmys are still the Rodney Dangerfield of awards shows.

Pants on Fire

2009-05-29T07:44:00.002-04:00

So, if you go to a gala, and the folks from Toronto Life as you where you got your dress, probably best not to lie about it...

http://www.torontolife.com/daily/style/best-dressed/2009/05/27/torontos-best-dressed-may-27/

On the plus side, the designer has gotten way more press than if this silly little rich girl had just name-checked her in the first place.

Attack Ads

2009-05-29T07:14:00.003-04:00

So the Harper Tories have launched a new series of attack ads aimed at our own international man of mystery, Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff. In addition to the fact that they pander to our worst instincts (notably a palpable distrust of Canadians who leave to make an impact on the greater world - and actually do so), there is something that truly bothers me about this series of ads.

They actually make Iggy look better than the alternative.

The ads claim that Iggy is arrogant and elitist. This may well be true. But he is also many other things. Stephen Harper on the other hand? If I was told I could choose only two words - just two - to describe our current PM, I'm not sure I could choose two more fitting words than arrogant and elitist.

Who advised Harper to criticize Ignatieff for being the very things that utterly define his own character? Plum weird if you ask me.

The Hottest of Hotties

2009-04-15T12:15:00.002-04:00

Vanity Fair, now a celeb-baiting, pandering shell of its former self, has a new circulation-boosting survey for you.! Check it out - it's in this month's issue, the one with the mostly naked Mrs. Tom Brady on the cover.

The magazine conducted an online survey to select the most beautiful woman from their pre-selected list of candidates. How did VF narrow down the list? According to their website, "Of the billions of women on this planet, only 19, we believe, could start wars." Hmmm. The results, have Angelina winning in a landslide.

1) Angelina Jolie 58 per cent
2) Gisele Bundchen 9 per cent
3) Halle Berry 4 per cent
4) Penelope Cruz 3 per cent
4) Scarlett Johansson 3 per cent
4) Jennifer Connelly 3 per cent
4) Queen Rania of Jordan 3 per cent
4) Bar Refaeli 3 per cent
5) Catherine Deneuve 2 per cent
5) Freida Pinto 2 per cent
5) Natalia Vodianova 2 per cent
5) Ziyi Zhang 2 per cent
5) Beyonce Knowles 2 per cent
5) Cate Blanchett 2 per cent
6) Elle MacPherson 1 per cent
6) Kate Moss 1 per cent
6) Gwyneth Paltrow 1 per cent
6) Kerry Washington 1 per cent
6) Carla Bruni 1 per cent

For me, Giselle would beat out Ange in terms of pure mega-watt beauty. But I guess the Angelina mystique goes a long way. And having seen Cate Blanchett in person at Tiff, I have to say the she is without question the most beautiful person I've ever seen in the flesh (Colin Farrel runs a close second). She was breathtaking.

Another observation: Since Bar has only 1/3 the votes Gisele got, is this proof that Leo traded down?

And finally, once again, this list made me feel bad for Tony Romo. Already widely considered the poor-man's Tom Brady, Romo's celebutante girlfriend makes headlines for gaining 10 pounds and forgetting lyrics. Tom's new wife on the other hand is named, at worst, the second most beautiful woman in the world. Guy can't win (literally, and figuratively, it seems).

The Best Part of My Holiday

2009-03-25T08:07:00.003-04:00

Weary hubby and I are sitting with our delightful young nieces, ages 8 and 6, watching a Cirque-style show on our recent holiday. The performers are pretty good actually, and at one point, three shirtless and very fit young guys are performing, twisting and turning on ropes above our heads. The crowd goes wild and the following exchange is heard:

6-year old niece, gesturing at Adonis-like guy performing Olympic-like feat of strength and flexibility: Uncle Steve, can you do that?

Weary hubby: No Cam, I don't think I could do that.

6-year-old niece, after pondering for a moment, in a terribly helpful tone of voice: Well, maybe if you worked out...

Quite Possibly the Best Thing Ever Uttered on Television

2009-03-10T08:40:00.001-04:00

“I am dedicating my first dance to my girls at the Federal Detention Center.”

Lil Kim, on Dancing with the Stars, Monday March 9, 2009.

News and Notes

2009-02-10T08:40:00.002-05:00

A-Rod in the News for Something Other than Ditching his Family for Madonna
So Alex Rodriguez took steroids. And this surprised who exactly? I was always amused when A-Rod was held up as the white knight who could save baseball by someday surpassing Bonds' home-run* record. Let us not forget that A-Rod is one of the least likable ball players ever. The only really good part about this whole debacle? It gave the NY Post the opportunity to run their 'A-hole' headline. And perhaps Hank Aaron - one of the most likable ball players ever - will get his record back.

Best Performance of by a 9-month Pregnant Artist at the Grammy's, Like Ever!
How good was MIA? How bad was that outfit? The rest of the Grammy's? Radiohead=good. Coldplay=Not Radiohead.

Dancing with the Stars Cast
It's more D-list than usual, but here is the real question: How does Denise Richards delude herself - and the producers of a highly popular TV show - into believing she has fans? The naked Sex and the City guy has more fans. Somehow, Denise Richards married and divorced the super-skeevy Charlie Sheen and she came out looking worse than him. Or did the producers set out to find find a famous divorcee less likable than Heather Mills?

Ugly News?

2009-01-27T12:01:00.003-05:00

I've been a big booster of Ugly Betty in the past; I think America Ferrera is charming, and love everything to do with the gang at Mode - the ridiculousness of the characters, the sharp banter between Marc and Willy - and, in the past, didn't even mind the occasional heart-warming life lesson thrown in now and again.

With the news the ABC is benching Betty from March-June in favour of Samantha Who, I have to admit, I've been losing my enthusiasm for Betty all season. And I'm not alone, ratings are down dramatically from the campy heights of season one. This season, the plots are dull (Daniel's a dad, oh wait, no he's not), under-developed (Amanda and Betty are roommates - oh wait, now they're not) or tiresome, like all that moralizing (choosing career over family - even at age 21 - makes you a horrible person). For a long time now - since Santos' death, lets day, all of the subplots with Betty's family cause me to reach for the fast-forward button. I had some hope for Justin when he seemed to have found a potential boyfriend earlier this year but, surprise, surprise, that came to nothing too. Betty's love-life is barren - no Henry, no Gio, not even a Walter. All the fun and froth, it seems, has been dropped for melodrama about Betty's dad's health. Ugh. Is it wrong that I hoped he'd die?

Earlier this year, much hay was made about America Ferrera's notably low-opinion of friend (and Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants co-star) Blake Lively's Gossip Girl. At the time, she said the show made girls out to be mean, that it was dis-empowering for girls. Seems to me the girls have all the power on that show - and occasionally learn lessons about wielding that power that don't come delivered by sledgehammer. It's irreverent, soapy, silly and - oh yeah - fun. That, to me, is Betty's missing ingredient.

Your Superbowl Primer

2009-01-27T07:45:00.002-05:00

For you casual fans who are heading to Superbowl parties this Sunday-and are anxious to avoid the withering stares of superfans who deride your lack of football knowledge - herein is a primer on the big stories of the day.

Unload some of this knowledge on your buddies, to ensure that your contribution to the discussion is something other than "Hey, that Palomolive guy for Pittsburgh sure has some awesome hair" and "When is the Budwesier commercial with those cute horses coming on?"

The Backstory

On Arizona:
They have a long a glorious history of sucking. A lot. Every damn year. Affectionately known as The Buzzsaw that is the Arizona Cardinals (so dubbed by Will Leitch, former editor of Deadspin.com), the Cardinals are known for being a really mediocre team over the really long term. They've been around in one incarnation or another since 1898, and have never been to the Superbowl (though they won a championships in the pre-Superbowl era -in 1947 -back when they were still the Chicago Cardinals). After Chicago, they moved to St. Louis, where they sucked. They then moved on to Arizona in the 1980s where, you guessed it, they sucked. The most famous Cardinal of the Arizona era is unquestionably Pat Tilman, who gave up his NFL career to become an Army Ranger in the days after 911 and died in Afghanistan. For Arizona, even getting to big game was improbable. They've played well, but are here at least in part because Carolina QB Jake Delhomme did the best Brett Favre impression ever a few weeks back.

On Pittsburgh:
In contrast to the Cards, the Steelers have a long history of, well, kicking everyone's ass. In the 1970's they built a dynasty on an unstoppable defense and a talented but not-so-bright QB. These days, they have an unstoppable defense and a talented but not-so-bright QB. They have more championships that any other team in the AFC. They've quite astonishingly had just 3 coaches since 1969 - Chuck Noll, Bill Cowher and Mike Tomlin. Some teams have 3 head coaches in as many years (hello, Miami). Pittsburgh fans - the Steeler Nation - wave around the Terrible Towel in support of the team.

The Players

Kurt Warner
Warner is the QB for the Cards and his life is totally going to be a movie some day. Warner went undrafted out of college, and ended up playing for NFL Europe and the Arena Football League. After a few years, he was making ends meet by bagging groceries. In 1998, he launched an improbable comeback, landing a back-up role with the St. Louis Rams. The next year, starter Trent Green was injured, Warner took over the gig and, what the hey, won the freaking Superbowl and was named league MVP. After a return trip to the Superbowl with the Rams (they lost to the Pats), Warner went to the New York Giants, where he lost the starting job to young Eli Manning. Warner joined the Cards in 2005, and most expected he'd be back-up to another young up-and-comer (first Josh McCown, then Matt Leinart). Of course, McCown washed out and Leinart is more interest in beer bongs than slant routes, so Warner began his second improbable comeback. Warner is also known for being pretty much the most religious guy in the league (and that's saying a lot) and for having a scary wife who, once she grew out the salt-and-pepper crew cut of the St. Louis years, turns out to actually be rather hot.

Ben Roethlisberger
"Big Ben" is a lumbering 6'5" pivot known for two things:
1) leading the Steelers to the Superbowl in only his second season in the league, back in 2005
2) crashing his motorcycle while not wearing a helmet (nor holding a valid motorcycle license) and landing on his face, in 2006
Ever so slightly less inspiring than Warner.

Larry Fitzgerald Jr.
Playing outstanding football throughout the play-offs, Fitzgerald has consistently been the best player on the field the last few weeks. In the past, he'd been somewhat overshadowed by teammate and fellow wide-receiver Anquan Boldin - but when Boldin pulled a muscle late in the season, Fitzgerald emerged as the Cards number one receiver. A few more Fitzgerald tidbits: he was a ball boy for the Minnesota Vikings as a kid, and his dad, Larry Fitzgerald Sr. is a well-respected sports-writer who'll be in the press box for the game.

James Harrison
This one is for extra credit: Harrison is the virtual unknown who took the NFL's defensive player of the year award. His first three years in the league were, let's say, unaccomplished. But in the last three, he's emerged as one of the finest linebackers in the league.

Darnell Dockett
The Arizona defensive tackle has one hell of a past - he lost both parents when he was thirteen - his mother was murdered and his dad died of cancer - and was raised by his uncle. He's had some off-the-field scuffles- but in this league, who hasn't?

Other Names to Know

Cards
Anquan Boldin - wide receiver with a crappy attitude and some mad skills
Edgerrin James - running back, played a minimal role all season but has busted out in the playoffs - Edge is setting himself up for a new contract, likely elsewhere, next year.

Steelers
Willie Parker - Running Back. Almost always referred to as "Fast Willie Parker".
Hines Ward - Wide receiver (along with Santonio Holmes), he has a knack for irritating the hell out of opposing players
Troy Polamalu - Safety - he of the Hawaiian heritage, flowing locks and punishing hits

On the Inauguration

2009-01-19T15:20:00.003-05:00

I've found myself with a lump in my throat more than a few times since the election in November - and in awe of the moment more than once too. I still, at times, can't take in that the American people really elected Barack Obama - little known just 5 years ago, inter-racial son of single mother - as their President. It says to me that the American empire may yet endure.

The sense of history that surrounds this week is nicely captured in this Slate article, in which Dahlia Lithwick notes that Obama will take his oath using the same bible once used for the same purpose by Abraham Lincoln. The chief justice, she explains, who held the bible that day for Lincoln's inauguration was the same one who wrote the majority opinion in the Dred Scott case. In that case, the Supreme Court in essence decreed that Blacks were not, and never could be, American citizens. For 100 years, despite the efforts of Lincoln and others and even universal suffrage, true equal rights remained elusive. And now, in just 40 years since the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr., Obama will become president.

The audacity of hope, indeed.

The brain of your average football player

2009-01-13T07:40:00.003-05:00

Watching James Brown interview Pacman Jones on the NFL Today pregame Saturday* got me thinking about how the college system prepares its athletes for future success. Jones has three years of education from West Virginia University (he left early to enter the 2005 draft). He is also clearly ill-equiped to handle any life skill other than hitting guys really hard (sometimes on the field but mostly outside of strip clubs). The man is a mess. He would probably have been an even bigger mess had he not had some natural talent for football that gave him the tiniest chance to escape a pretty dreadful childhood. But as his opportunities in football dwindle, just what is this guy going to do with the rest of his life. It isn't a pretty picture.

The dirty little secret of college football hasn't really been a secret for decades - not since Dexter Manley admitted he graduated from Oklahoma State while functionally illiterate. Education is not part of the equation for the top athletes at Division 1 schools. So, it's pretty remarkable when a college athlete is able to accomplish something other than a screen pass. All the more impressive, then, that Florida State's Myron Rolle will put off entering the NFL draft this year to accept a Rhodes scholarship. Rolle is off to Oxford to pursue a master's in medical anthropology. He'll enter the draft - and is expected to go in the first few rounds - in 2010.

Of course, just how far those smarts will take him in the NFL is open to debate. Dan Marino scored a 16 on the Wonderlik Test - a measure of intelligence that all potential draftees take at the NHL Combine. At 16, one wonders how Marino managed to find the right test facility. But, damn, he could throw a football. Matt Leinart, on the other hand, scored a more-than -respectable 35 - and can't seem to get a start for the Cardinals. And I have no doubt that Leinart's post-NFL-career won't be anything like as successful as Marino. Book-learning, it seems, can only get you so far in the NFL.

*Note - the best part of the interview -possibly the best part of any interview, ever - was when Brown asked Jones why he can't seem to stay away from strips clubs. I so wanted Jones to say "Well, James, they have these naked ladies there..."

So Can Canada Dance?

2008-12-03T07:57:00.003-05:00

I've made no secret of my deep and abiding love for So You Think You Can Dance. So I was a little worried about the Canadian version - especially when I heard that deeply annoying Leah Miller would be filling my beloved Cat Deeley's stillettos.

Turns out I needn't have worried. While I wouldn't go as far as The Star's Rob Salem, who said the Canadian version is actually better than the original, it isn't so bad after all. Clearly, Miller is no Deeley, but she's actually a lot less annoying than she ever is on Much Music - and she is charmingly invested in the dancers; she has actually sobbed as some of them left the show. I'd have to say that the judges, by and large, don't stand up to the U.S. version. The loss of Mary Murphy is a blessing, but regulars Jean-Marc Generoux and Tre Armstrong have next to nothing insightful to say. Thank heavens for the rotating guest judge slot, which has brought us actual insights from Rex Harrington, the brilliant Mia Michaels and a range of Canadian choreographers. The choreography has been strong - notably from Melissa Williams, Blake McGrath and Luther Campbell. No Wade Robson sightings yet - but Michaels did one of her oddball group numbers earlier in the season.

It really all boils down to the dancers - and they're pretty great. Even Nigel Lithgoe has said so, so it must be true. The finale is tonight so check it out. Then vote for Nico!

The nastiest little man in hockey

2008-12-03T07:41:00.003-05:00

It used to be Harold Ballard - angry and mean and pinched. Now, though, the most vile man in hockey is pesty sometime-Vogue-intern Sean Avery. This guy is an complete ass on the ice. And off.

This week, Avery tried to fire up some press for himself with the following little quip to TSN: "I am really happy to be back in Calgary, I love Canada. I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds. I don't know what that's about. Enjoy the game tonight."

That charming comment would be in reference to his ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert and her new (Calgary) flame Dion Phaneuf. Now Cuthbert's a big girl - and she does have a bit of an Alyssa Milano rep when it comes to hockey players - but to speak of her publicly, as trash talk, says a lot more about Avery than it does about her. It is asshatty.

The NHL jumped on this one pretty damn quick - Avery's suspended with a hearing to come.

Strange Sundays

2008-12-02T08:08:00.002-05:00

I had the strangest experience on Sunday. After watching Troy Polamalu pick off Matt Cassel in painful game for Pats fans, I didn't experience the usual giddy glee that occurs whenever the Pats do poorly.

Thing is, it's awfully hard to feel good about cheering against a guy like Cassel, a back-up who is clearly in over his head (no matter what the pundits seem to think about his future prospects - this guy is middling QB at best).

Is it possible that I actually miss Tom Brady?

Political Leanings

2008-12-02T07:48:00.004-05:00

I've voted Liberal in every single election since I was 18. When I went to Queen's, I joined the Young Liberals and I worked on the federal election campaign. I voted Liberal even when Chretien's arrogance turned my stomach. The closest I came to voting another way? In the next-to-last election, when I learned that the Liberal incumbent in my riding voted against same-sex marriage. Ultimately, though, what choice did I have?

Because the Tories have always been the even worse alternative. If Chretien was smug, he still couldn't hold a candle to the arrogance of Brian Mulroney. My alternative to the anti-equality Liberal in my riding? A Tory who actually put his opposition to gay marriage in his campaign literature. (As Keith Olbermann so eloquently put in reaction to the victory of Prop 8 in California, honestly "what is it to you?")

So the events on Parliament Hill this week give me a strange and giddy (but slightly guilty) glee. While it bothers me that Stephane Dion, so repudiated by voters just weeks ago, might become Prime Minister anyway, I can't help but relish the reason for his strange, small victory. It's that Stephen Harper- who called a useless and expensive election to quench his own thirst for power, who used a worldwide economic crisis as the backdrop for yet another power grab, who should have had clear sailing for at least 18 months as the Liberals elect a new leader - ultimately sank his own battleship. What amuses me most is that a politician who clearly relishes the bloodsport aspect of the political game far above the policy-making part - has been bloodied by his own mis-step.

But even I have to admit that Dion as Prime Minister is deeply undemocratic. I have nothing against coalition governments - they function well in countries around the world - but Dion was clearly never Canada's choice for Prime Minister. Surely, the Liberals could have found another custodian to keep the seat warm for Ignatieff for a few months. It's a notably strange marriage - Dion and the Bloc Quebecois. But at least it gives us something interesting to watch on Canadian TV.

Mid-Season Thoughts

2008-10-30T08:32:00.002-04:00

Well, it's been 8 weeks of football with nary a comment on the season from me. Have I just been busy with work, or taking the season off out of solidarity with poor, broken Tom Brady? I'll let you decide.

So where do things stand round at the half-way point? Well, the Lions aren't the worst team in football (hello, Kansas City!). The Buffalo Bills may actually win the AFC East. Kerry Collins has lead the Titans to a thus far unblemished record. Brady is hanging with Giselle instead of at Gillette. The Giants are still winning despite having to deal with Plaxico Burress' unpredictable child-care plans. All in all, a pretty amusing season from my vantage point - even if my beloved Colts are struggling to reach .500 in the absence of Bob Sanders and, oh, any kind of rush defense.

Still, some things remain the unchanged. Pacman Jones is still getting into fights. T.O. is still pouting he isn't getting enough passes, then dropping half the ones he gets. The Bengals are both awful and brutish. And the Colts can still score three touchdowns in three minutes (or so they proved to me and my friend Randy after he declared the game with the Texans over with five minutes left and Houston up by 17).

Do you think anyone explained the homo-erotic subtext to Kobe?

2008-10-30T08:28:00.002-04:00

I can't even begin to know what to say about this.

Election Hangover

2008-10-15T07:23:00.002-04:00

Stephen Harper told us it was time to vote, because his minority government had ceased to function efficiently (but really because he thought he could win a minority). We voted. And got... a Tory minority government. Well, I don't know about you, but am I ever glad we spent all that cash for the Tories to win a few extra seats and the Liberals to lose a bunch of them. Democracy at work... and at a price.

But to be honest, the thing about this election that really irritates me is Elizabeth May. She made it into the debates. She was all over TV (and Via Rail). For the first time, the Green Party seemed to have a legitimate shot at winning a seat. That is, had she run in a winnable riding. But she didn't. She could have run pretty much anywhere she wanted - and she chose to run against Peter MacKay in Central Nova. Now, I'm not exactly in the Peter MacKay fan club, but even I could have told Ms. May that she had zero chance of winning against the powerful Defense Minister. I mean, the guy was elected in 1997 - when just 20 ridings in the whole country voted Conservative. Even with the Liberals sitting that riding out, May was in tough.

I guess I can understand wanting to slay a giant and avoid any sense of being a parachuted candidate - but couldn't may have done more for her party by actually winning a seat?

Behind Blue Eyes

2008-10-09T12:38:00.002-04:00

Paul Newman was one of those movie stars who was really and truly a star. Not in a Zac Efron mass-produced Disney-star kind of way, but in a brilliant, shining, unmistakable academy-baiting but audience-pleasing way. If you haven't caught much of the Newman oeuvre, here are some essentials:

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Tennessee Williams can bring out the best or the worst in an actor. Williams brought out the best in Brando in Streetcar, and his southern gothic melodrama suits Newman perfectly here. Liz Taylor, as the forlorn and neglected Maggie, gets the meaty role and most of the accolades, but Newman quietly steals the show for me as her tormented, closeted husband Brick.

Cool Hand Luke
The essence of cool here, Newman's Luke is a petty thug ground down by his time on a southern chain gang. It's got some seriously famous lines, and one very famous scene involving Luke, a bet, and 50 eggs.

The Sting
Most people favour Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, but I have a fondness for this other Newman-Redford pairing. It's smart. It's silly. It's one of my all-time favourites, especially when you catch a glimpse of those famous blue eyes staring across the top of a hand of cards.

Slap Shot
Now this one isn't one of my own favourites, but as a true Canadian, I gotta put it on the list. A genre classic.

The Colour of Money
Watch Newman give a young Tom Cruise a master class in acting. Returning to his favourite role, Fast Eddie Felson, won Newman an Oscar.

Cars
The weathered, grumbling voice of Doc Hudson was a perfect fit for Newman, and a fitting end to his career.

A Seismic Shift

2008-09-18T08:48:00.005-04:00

Wall Street, and Bay Street by extension, are having a rough go of it.

It's almost unprecedented. In 1929, shares fell, people panicked and, oh, by the way, a massive drought swept the continent, throwing scores of farmers off their land. Bankruptcies rose. Unemployment soared. Back then, the crash was a signal of an economic crisis, not the sole cause of it. The Great Depression followed.

Today, we've seen some of the most important financial firms in the world brought low by their own hubris:

Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac have been taken over by the federal government after it became clear that the biggest secondary mortgage firms in the US would fail without drastic measures. And failure would have meant unprecedented economic chaos, affecting every bank and financial company in the country. What happened? Overzealous investment in sub-prime mortgages during the housing bubble - when the real estate market softened and defaults rose, these firms were so overexposed they couldn't recover.

Bear Stearns, one of the biggest investment banks in the world, was heavily exposed to the sub-prime mortgage market too, through investments in asset-backed securities (a kind of investment vehicle tied to those sub-prime mortgages). One of Fortune's Most Admired Firms in 2007 was sold to JP Morgan for just $1 billion in 2008. Two years earlier, the company had assets in excess of $300 billion. That $299 billion - totally gone.

Lehman Brothers wasn't even that lucky. Hot on the heels of the government bailout of Freddy Mac and Fanny Mae, this 150-year old investment firm filed for bankruptcy after it became clear that a bailout wasn't going to happen for them. A storied investment bank that generated $59 billion in revenue last year, gone.

Then there's AIG, an insurance company in so deep that the government had to loan them $85 billion to prevent collapse. So much for the minimally regulated free market system.

Mortgages, investment banks, insurance and more. All aspects of the American financial market are now exposed and reeling. The government has stepped in, realizing that their own lack of oversight is part of the problem. Expect to see tighter regulation and a score of new rules, now that the Fed recognizes just how far things can fall.

The questions now are: Is the worst over? Looks like it may not be, given the rumblings about Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs. Plus, the spillover effects for international banks and investment houses will continue to trickle out with losses and reduced earnings over the next few quarters. The bad news will keep coming. So, will people panic? That's harder to say. Right now, the nature of the problem is pretty complex, and the scope may not be clear to the average American, distracted by a big election. But if it keeps going, and the market keeps falling, everyone will be affected - not just laid off investment bankers and traders facing no million-dollar bonus this year.

For an excellent analysis of the crisis, check out Andrew Willis in the Globe. He rightly points out that the very firms being destroyed in this crisis paid their executives, bankers and traders obscene rewards when times were good. Problem is, it isn't just the masters of the universe who take a hit when things go downhill.

Headline of the Week

2008-09-18T08:48:00.002-04:00

Via the cover of Entertainment Weekly:

"Is Jessica Simpson the next Carrie Underwood, or just the next Jessica Simpson?"

Ouch. But at least Jessica has the love of her life in Tony Romo... until she goes to another Cowboys game and he loses. As I observed to the weary hubby as we watched the New Orleans' home opener a few weeks ago: If Kim Kardashian has a classier approach to playing football girlfriend than you do, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate.

Sure he can swim...

2008-08-28T14:56:00.002-04:00

...but is Michael Phelps funny?

After 8 Olympic gold medals (including one that looked a hell of a lot like a silver medal to me), Phelps is NBC's official Olympics poster boy, and they aren't ready to let that go just yet. Hence, an invitation to host Saturday Night Live.

I have to say, my hopes aren't high. Athletes on SNL are a lot more miss than hit. For every Peyton Manning, who killed in his appearance, there have been many, many Nancy Kerrigans.

Prep for your Post-Olympics Fix

2008-08-22T15:22:00.002-04:00

Soon, the Olympics will be over and the disturbingly addicted among us (read: me) will be faced with a dearth of sports drama (for, like, a week, until the NFL season starts).

To get you through that horrible two sportsless weeks, without having to resort to watching actual MLB regular-season games on tv, I give you...

Jen's Top Post-Olympics Sports Flicks

Olympics-Themed Flicks

Chariots of Fire
Admittedly, more of a cultured period piece than your typical rah-rah sports pic. But it does have one of the best sports movie scores ever (second, I'd say, to The Natural), plus Brits running barefoot on the beach, God, gold medals and a triumph over anti-semitism. How can you say no?

Cool Runnings
It's the Jamaican Bobsled team! Coached by John Candy! Consider it the silly antidote to all that Academy-Award-winning running twaddle above.

Murderball
Okay, it's technically the Paralympics, but these guys kick ass in non-technical, holy-crap kind of way.

Winter Sports

Men With Brooms
Without question, the finest mainstream movie about curling ever made. Possibly the only one, true, but very fine nonetheless. Of all the movies on this list, this one gives me the hardest case of the giggles. I can't help myself. Plus, it has the Tragically Hip, curling. Truly Canadianly awesome.

The Cutting Edge
Toe pick!

Slap Shot
Once again, I'm Canadian. They take away my citizenship if I don't list this one.

Baseball Movies (note: way more interesting than actual baseball games)

The Natural
Total and complete sap. Irresistible, root for the underdog, music swelling, grand-slam home run, wonderboy sap. You know you love it.

Bull Durham
Takes the piss out of all the aforementioned sap. My favourite sports movie, bar none.

Major League
Totally, completely stupid. Which is rather what makes it so awesome, no?

Football Flicks

Jerry Maguire
My love for Cameron Crowe outweighs my natural desire to avoid Tom Cruise. Fast forward over Renee Zellweger.

Friday Night Lights
A somewhat bleak perspective on the lives of Texas high school football, but mighty compelling anyway.

Lucas
Tears are shed. Lessons are learned. Sniff.

And, um. Wow, football movies are pretty bad aren't they? But for some mindless fun: The Replacements (Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever.), The Longest Yard (the Sandler version, for the stunt casting alone), Invincible (yeah, the guy's gonna make the team or they wouldn't have made a movie about him. Still, better than you think it'll be).

A Chick Flick too?

Bend it Like Beckham
You betcha.

Olympic Musings, Part II

2008-08-21T08:31:00.003-04:00

After much media whining about our lack of medals in the first week of the games, Canada burst out with a flurry of medals over the weekend, which had me glued, happy but coma-like, to the screen.

I discovered if you PVR the live coverage overnight, allowing you to fast-forward over all of the RBC commercials, watching the Olympics can become a quite sublime experience. Canada scored in rowing, wrestling, trampoline, diving, triathalon and even on the track.

But still, many folks are calling for increased funding for our athletes. I dunno. I love seeing Canadians win medals as much as the next gal, but I'm not sure funneling more tax dollars into training for our elite synchronized swimmers seems like the smartest move with so many other priorities underfunded. Sport is important, and I recognize the sacrifices that our Olympic athletes make. But I wonder if the scrimping and hardships are part of the price of gaining an experience that so few of us can ever claim. The British spent something like 20 times as much on their Olympic rowing program as Canada did, and came back with 2 more medals. So it isn't just about spending dollars, it's about spending them wisely. For me, I like the trend of corporations supporting our athletes - the athletes put food on the table and the company gets to bask in Olympic glow.

Some other thoughts:

Usain Bolt is my favourite athlete of the games, mainly for his hilarious showboating just before his races. The fact that he could win the men's 100, and set a world record for that matter, while essentially jogging and celebrating across the finish line, is just scary good - not to mention seriously entertaining.
Jacques Rogge, IOC President, has criticized Usain Bolt for his failure to show good sportsmanship after his races, shaking hands with his fellow racers and so on. Has Rogge not spent much time around sprinters in his life?
My favourite moment, bar none? The Canadian men's 8 boisterously singing O Canada, off-key, during the medal ceremony.
My least favourite: The women's weightlifting. Looking at the medal winners, the spectre of doping was just too obvious to ignore.
Eric Lamaze just won the gold medal in show-jumping, after being kept out of the last three Olympics due to a cocaine problem - which got me wondering: I know sometimes there are problems with riders and mounts being thrown out of the competition because the horse has been drugged; but, is there anything a rider could take that would performance enhancing? If there is, I'm betting cocaine isn't it.

Olympic Musings, Part I

2008-08-14T14:23:00.003-04:00

I love the Olympics. They are grandiose, and ridiculous, and replete with the kinds of stirring back stories that first drove my interest in sports. Micheal Phelps, part fish. Dara Torres, post-40 super-mom. Various 10-year-old Chinese girls winning gold after gold after gold. Amanda Beard, naked again. Okay, maybe not so inspired by the last one.

Plus, you can see people who have devoted their entire lives to astonishingly obscure sports: the weary hubby was amazed on day 1 to see medals awarded in what looked like an Olympic BB gun competition. And best of all, my new favourite sport, synchronized diving! It's like the diving team got drunk one night and invented a new sport!

I can't resist watching to see if Phelps can beats Spitz's record. Perhaps someday, they will both be surpassed by someone whose last name doesn't sound like phlegm. Dare to dream.

Dance Like Millions of People are Watching

2008-08-06T13:06:00.002-04:00

It's no secret that I seriously heart So You Think You Can Dance. I posted on it back in July of 2006, giving a bunch of reasons why you, too, should love the show - chief among them: Cat Deeley's wardrobe, Nigel Lithgoe's astonishing ego, the trainwreck that is Mary Murphy and, of course, that these kids actually CAN dance.

Well, in two years, my love of the show has only grown. Cat can't always be counted on for a wardrobe disaster any more - though occasionally busts out a dress made out of throw cushions or some Helena-Bonham-Carter-in-Sweeney-Todd hair. But she also has grown into the smartest, warmest and funniest host on TV. She's like the dancers' cooler and much taller big sister. The rest, Nigel and Mary especially, is entirely unchanged.

Tonight is the finale of this season - which has been marked by some excellent dancing, though few astonishingly memorable routines like last year's Shane Sparks' Transformers routine (with Lauren and Pasha), Mandy Moore's Sweet Dreams routine (with Neil and Sabra) or even Wade Robson's hummingbird routine (with Hawk and Jamie). All three of those numbers are up for Emmy's (you can check 'em out on YouTube, but I'm too lazy to find the links) - and I'm not sure they've been matched this year (though Mia's had a few high points with Twitch).

Given that the end is nigh, here are my fearless predictions for the final:

First to go:
The cherubic but outclassed Courtney.

And then:
Twitch. He has a huge fan base based largely on his personality, and I love the guy, but he just hasn't danced as well as...

The top two:
Katee and Joshua. Honestly, between the two, I'm hard pressed to pick a winner and wouldn't be sad if either of them take it. I'll go out on a limb and call this one for Katee.

Now on to Canada's version this fall!!

The Death of the Industrial Heartland Continues Unabated

2008-08-06T12:29:00.003-04:00

According to Forbes magazine, the fastest-dying cities in the United Stated are:

Buffalo, New York
Canton, Ohio
Charleston, West Virginia
Cleveland, Ohio
Dayton, Ohio
Detroit, Michigan
Flint, Michigan
Scranton, Pennsylvania
Springfield, Massachusetts
Youngstown, Ohio

How did Forbes determine just which cities are on life support? By looking at economic growth, population trends and unemployment rates. In each of these cities, the economies grew sluggishly, at far less than the national average, while the unemployment rates far exceeded those around the rest of the country. So its no surprise that all of the cities on the list are experiencing serious population declines.

Look at the list: These were steeltowns and coaltowns, auto manufacturers, the heart of blue-collar America. Only Charleston really stands outside the rust-belt. Replace it with Pittsburgh, which has seen the biggest population decline in the nation outside New Orleans, and the picture is awfully clear. And it is awful.

The real common denominator for these cities is the same problem that plagues all modern industrialized societies. Cities that were built on the strength of manufacturing and industry face inexorable decline as those industries depart for cheaper labour and big economies of scale overseas.

It isn't new, and it isn't going to stop any time soon. Before the industrial revolution was half a century old, manufacturing had begun to shift. And over time, the location of the cheapest labour sources has shifted this manufacturing base again and again. From Korea to Taiwan to India and mainland China, to Indonesia and Bangladesh.

Some politicians and media types would argue that our governments need to bolster manufacturing in North America. Others argue that unions and big government are precisely the problem (though I do wonder what those folks think life before unions was really like and if they'd like to give a job at a 19th century coal mine a go).

As for me, I don't have an answer for these cities - because I'm not convinced there is one. It would be great if they all became knowledge economies like Palo Alto and Austin. But that doesn't happen quickly and takes a great deal of commitment and political will.

One possible ray of light? There is always the chance that as we start to run out of oil, it will actually become less expensive to manufacture for the North American market close to home instead of overseas. But factor in Mexico, and things look dim indeed.

Censorship? What Censorship?

2008-07-31T15:56:00.002-04:00

So, IOC officials have now confirmed that the Chinese government is limiting access to certain websites during the Olympics. Up to now, both China and the IOC had insisted that censorship would not be an issue at these games.

If only there was some way to have predicted this. I mean, who could possibly have guessed that a regime that rolled tanks over Tiananemen Square would stoop to restricting net access to media and athletes during the Olympics?

Let's not kid ourselves. It's going to get worse. In the next two weeks, and during the games themselves, China will tighten its grip on the Olympic coverage to ensure that only the officially sanctioned version of the event reaches the west. No protesting Tibetans. No Chinese drug cheats. Just a little brutal, totalitarian oppression. And IOC - a bit totalitarian themselves, if you ask me - will turn a blind eye and argue that they aren't a 'political' organization, that it isn't there place to say anything.

Nope, nothing political about the Olympics at all. Germany 1936. Moscow 1980. Los Angeles 1984. China over Toronto for 2008. No politics at all.

Wouldn't it be nice if just once the IOC used its power to do something other than sell sneakers?

Then again, this is probably worse...

2008-07-30T13:16:00.002-04:00

So long as I'm judging my own pop culture tastes and inviting others to ridicule same, why not overshare a little more:

Here's the thing... I'm a little sad about the new 90210. Not that they're doing it. Not that they're making it look like Gossip Girl: West Beverly Edition. But rather that they are bringing back the girls, so we can see where they are now.

And where they are seems pretty lame to me.

Now, I take my beloved characters seriously. I want things to turn out how I want them. So things like the afterward to the last Harry Potter bug the crap out of me.

In this case, while I couldn't care less what happened to Brenda or, ugh, Donna, I just know they're going to mess with my bff Kelly Taylor. The casting news says it all. No Brandon. No Dylan. No great, long-lived romance for our girl Kelly. Just a new gig as a guidance counsellor. Let's be honest - and no offense to real guidance counsellors - but that job was lame when Buffy did it.

Sigh.

But not as lame as the fact that I actually care about it...

Is it wrong...

2008-07-30T12:50:00.004-04:00

... that I'm more than a little excited to see Sisterhood of Travelling Pants 2?

And does it say something concerning about my cinematic taste that I have seen both Sex and the City and Mamma Mia but have yet to see The Dark Knight?

Seriously, I'm judging myself here.

On the Sisterhood, though, I have to admit I'm totally amused by the marketing angle that plays up Blake Lively's Gossip Girl connection. The complete unknown from the first film is now front and centre in ads for the second. Wonder how that makes Alexis Bledel, who was the most well-known of the four the first time around, feel? About as good as watching her ex-boyfriend date his 18-year-old Heroes castmate, I guess. Poor, poor Rory.

Update: Saw The Dark Knight. Yes, it was very good. But is it my imagination or, every once in a while, did Health Ledger start to sound like Johnny Depp in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Just me, right?

Lessons from the Brett Favre Affair

2008-07-30T12:31:00.002-04:00

1. Never announce your retirement at the end of a long, punishing season. Wait a while until your bones stop hurting, and to see if that old 'itch' returns. If the prescription powder doesn't take the itch away, then you play another year. No harm, no foul.

2. Don't believe anything Brett Favre says about retirement, ever.

3. It sucks to be Aaron Rodgers. When he was drafted in 2005, he was touted as a top-ten pick, maybe even a number one. Went 24th (18 spots behind Pacman Jones, in case you're interested). That's gotta be a long afternoon. Still, he's in the NFL and learning from a superstar. Then, after a few seasons holding Brett's clipboard, Rodgers gets the official status as starting QB for the Packers. Dream come true. Now, his life is back to being all about Brett Favre. How much you want to bet he has a Brett Favre voodoo doll at home?

4. Brett Favre is a gun-slinging championship quarterback. He is also kind of a dillhole.

Tee Hee

2008-07-10T15:49:00.002-04:00

This Freakonomics post made me laugh out loud. First, because Dubner thinks the Economist has made a mistake when they haven't, second because he makes this mistake in a post all about writers' mistakes and third, because the commenters seem to get an almost unseemly amount of joy from correcting him. One even suggests he made the mistake on purpose to make the whole thing a bit meta.

Irony is fun...

Fit or Fat

2008-07-10T13:56:00.004-04:00

Okay, this is interesting...

A few days ago, I saw a blog posting on Calorie Lab's ranking of fattest States. (My observation: Perhaps southern BBQ isn't so good for you after all). Then along came a post that applied similar metrics to Canada. The surprising thing? It says we Canadians are actually a good deal better off than pretty much all of the American states. At first I was shocked - having seen no shortage of less-than-svelte folks sitting at the local mall foodcourt. But then I remembered walking around Orlando last year... and decided we probably aren't so bad after all.

Source: David Eaves, via Richard Florida's blog

Anne Eternal

2008-07-09T08:29:00.002-04:00

On Canada Day long weekend, I started reading Anne of Green Gables to my 7-year-old niece (and her 5-year-old sister, who seemed less enthralled and more squirmy). It had been years since I'd read the book myself - but when I was 12, I must have read it dozens of times.

I loved that Anne was quirky, funny, overly dramatic and not all that enamoured with her own freckly appearance. I can't imagine a fictional character with whom I could have so closely identified. I just loved her, and her over-the-topic poetic imagination, gentle hometown, bosom friend Diana and destined-to-be love Gilbert. Plus she was Canadian.

As I read the first few chapters aloud the other week, I was surprised at how much fun it still was. And how much my niece enjoyed it.

Turns out, this is Anne's 100th birthday, and a few other people are taking note too.

Hear, Hear

2008-07-04T08:53:00.003-04:00

Here's Alan Cross' take on Entertainment Weekly's recent list of the 100 best albums of the last 25 years.

For my part, Cross has it pretty much all right. Entertainment Weekly, on the other hand? Well, it's hard to argue with Purple Rain at number one. But Achtung Baby in the top 10 instead of The Joshua Tree? Was Achtung Baby not simply the beginning of the end for U2's authenticity? MTV Unplugged instead of Nevermind? What the frack? It's as if the editors said "OK, what artists should be on this list? Great, now what's their second best album? Let's put that so we seem all different and edgy."

Other notable missteps? Cross highlights a few - 10. Licensed to Ill. Bloodsugarsexmagic. Automatic for the People. Definitely Maybe. Violator. Yup, yup, yup, yup, yup. Yup.

Anything else that's there that shouldn't be? Cat Power at 13? Really? Appetite for Destruction as low as number 30, just ahead of Justin freaking Timberlake? Really? Really?!?

I know that these lists are created to fuel debate. But this one seemed so overly manufactured to create dissent that it left me more irritated than interested.

Is it Canada, or Something Else

2008-07-04T08:26:00.002-04:00

Cito Gaston's semi-triumphant return to his role as manager of the craptastic Toronto Blue Jays has got me wondering.

Joe Torre has won 4 championships as a manager. For this, he has been lionized as one of the greats of the game. In 2007, he lost the divisional series and left his job as the Yankee's manager, turning down a one-year contract with a pay cut. In big-league terms, he was a good as fired. He was snapped up by the Dodgers within two weeks.

Cito Gaston has two world series rings (back-to-back, let us not forget). That means he has the same number of championships as legends like Tony 'steroids, what steroids' LaRussa, Tommy Lasorda and Billy Martin. Bobby Cox, the forth winningest manager in baseball history, has just one championship.

So why has Cito gotten so little love and so little respect from the U.S. media and the baseball establishment? Sure, his '92 and '93 Jays teams were stacked with talent. But like the Yankees weren't? I could have managed the '98 Yankees to the big win and so could you.

After Gaston was fired in 1997, he was offered a few interviews but no jobs. Finally, he gave up having to prove himself, and seemingly, on managing in the bigs. I'll admit Cito left the Jays after some dismal seasons... but surely this is a guy he deserves more credit than he's gotten.

So the question is... is Cito's lack of props due to the fact that he managed a team that plays in such a low-profile backwater? Or is there some other reason?

A Few Random Tidbits

2008-07-03T10:56:00.002-04:00

Alex Rodriguez and Madonna?

Really?I guess it makes sense. He does have a thing for 'muscular' blond women. And she has a thing for athletes (and singers, and actors, and dancers, and lesbian models and comedians, and, oh never mind). Initial stories out of New York had the Yankees slugger gifting Madge with tickets to a game (innocent enough) and making a few late night visits to her apartment (somewhat less innocent, me thinks, unless they spent the time talking about their respective spouses or Jose Canseco). In any case, lots of folks dismissed the story as so much unfounded gossip. Now though, it gets juicier though. A-Rod and his muscular blond wife Cynthia have split, three months after the birth of their second child and amid reports that the erstwhile Mrs. Rodriguez has been spending some quality time with Lenny Kravitz. Of course, Lenny and Madonna once knew each other pretty well too. So tacky. So A-Rod. So many happy Red Sox fans.

The Un-Retirement

Seems Brett Favre is experiencing the 'itch'. I think there are over-the-counter powders that can take care of that, no? Oh wait. Different itch. This itch is to play some football. Shocking! The guy who has made a late-career tradition of generating will-he-or-won't-he retirement talk for the last 5 freaking years may not be done with the game. Thing is, though, I think the Pack are pretty much done with him. I believe this one when I see it.

Jen's Award Show Outrage

I finally got around to watching Brokeback Mountain. It was my pride weekend activity. For some reason, the weary hubby took a pass on the viewing. In any case, I so loved this film. I loved Heath Ledger. I loved Jakey G (big shock, I know). I loved the story, the characters, Wyoming. I had a quiet ache for several days after it was over. I cried. A lot. Then I thought about the fact that this beautiful film actually lost out on the Academy Award to the insipid let's-all-be-friends-even-though-we're-all-actually-racist parable Crash. On what planet is that possible? Why? Why!?! Stupid academy.

Ouch!

2008-06-23T12:54:00.003-04:00

It was no secret on the Toronto set of The Love Guru that Mike Myers was basically a complete and total tool. Sad news for those of us who bought into his lovable hoser personality. And, interestingly enough, it seems karma may finally have gotten to the erstwhile Austin Powers. The Love Guru made less than $15 million at the box office last weekend and finished fourth, behind Steve Carell, a more-animated-than-normal Jack Black and a cranky Ed Norton. That's not good for a guy who was once the biggest name in comedy. The brutally unfunny promotion on American Idol didn't help his cause and neither, it seems, did the movie itself. Here's the opening paragraph of Dana Stevens' review on Slate:

"There are good movies. There are bad movies. There are movies so bad they're good (though, strangely, not the reverse). And once in a while there is a movie so bad that it takes you to a place beyond good and evil and abandons you there, shivering and alone.

Some Things are Inevitable...

2008-06-23T12:02:00.005-04:00

... but that doesn't make it any less sad. Yes, the nomination of a black man for president is apparently a boon for white supremacist groups feeding off of fear. It's astounding really. Not as astounding as Fox News referring to Obama's wife of more than 15 years as his 'baby mama'. Not quite as charming as all the Hilary's a bitch comments, but heartening just the same.

Makes me glad I'm not an American. Until I remember how much closer to a minority President than we are to a minority Prime Minister.

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

2008-06-12T12:55:00.003-04:00

David Sedaris has a new book of essays coming out. And in fact, the humorist, This American Life commentator and all-around cool kid, has himself been the subject of much spilled ink recently. (What do you call it when it's online? Spilled pixels?) The subject of all that journalistic focus? The truth, or lack thereof, of Sedaris' brutally funny tales.

See, Sedaris writes non-fiction humour. He's been very open about that fact that he embellishes. In fact, he suggest that the very fact that he is a humorist exonerates him from any quibbles about truthfulness. Humorists exaggerate. That's what makes them humorists. But in the post James Frey era, some folks are pretty testy about anything labelled non-fiction that isn't the literal truth.

Yet even the most 'honest' of memoirs contains a veil of inexactness, bias and half-remembered moments. Unless there were tape recorders in the room, we'll never know how much any memoir is 'real'. I'll admit when reading Sedaris, I've occasionally called bullshit. Some tales are too outlandish, push a little too far. Yet his best work, his funniest pieces, are also the most true to life. True, I don't know. But honest, that's a sure thing.

CTV 1, CBC 0

2008-06-11T16:44:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I love the CBC. As a publicly funded national broadcaster, they air stuff that would otherwise never get a national broadcast. They aired Exotica, for Pete's sake. Un-cut. When's the last time you saw Atom Egoyan on ABC? They aired Kids in the Hall. Back in the day, they started that bastion of maple-flavoured Canadian-ness, Hockey Night in Canada. Plus there are no CSIs of any kind on the good old corp.

Other times, though, they really do suck. Their painful attempts at sitcoms are just brutal (this category of broadcasting is also known as all CBC comedy not featuring Rick Mercer). They allow Brian Williams hours of air time during the Olympics despite the presence of the eminently more entertaining Ron MacLean. They constantly reprimand Don Cherry for being Don Cherry, which is especially irritating given that they hired him to be Don Cherry and that they garner big audiences and ad revenues because he's, well, Don Cherry.

So it's kind of hard to feel bad when they get their ass handed to them. Like, when they lose the Olympics to CTV. Or, more to the point, when they piss off the composer of one of the most famous theme songs in history to the extent that said composer sues them, then plays hardball when its time to renegotiate the rights to the song and then sells the song to CTV in the end anyway. I love the Hockey Night in Canada theme song*. I guess CTV loves it too. Sometimes being a business operation that has actual shareholders is what it takes to see a smart business decision.

*Note this love is only increased by the fact that it has never been featured as a paso doble on Dancing with Stars, unlike the Monday Night Football theme. E'gads. I love Dancing with the Stars. I love Monday Night Football. I just didn't need to see them together in one spandexy package...

The Fuss Over GM

2008-06-04T10:17:00.002-04:00

The gnashing of teeth has only just started.

Yesterday, GM announced that they would be closing 4 truck plants across North America and were looking at discontinuing or selling the Hummer brand. (At which news the weary hubby asked - 'But what will people use to compensate for their tiny penises if there are no more Hummers?').

The big news here in Canada was that one of the plants closing would be the Oshawa truck plant, throwing some 1,000 people out of work (up to 2000 people, according to some reports). Problem is, though, that earlier this year, the Ontario government gave GM a cushy $175 million loan in return for assurances that GM would keep Ontario job losses to a minimum. Now the union and Queen's Park are calling foul.

It is sad. Oshawa is a GM town. Twenty years ago, GM employed some 20,000 people in Oshawa - accounting for a huge proportion of the city's population for a single employer. Now, it's down to 9,000 people. And make no mistake, it will decline further. In the 1990s, the Big 3 US car-makers responded to the rise of Asian imports by making a big bet on big vehicles - SUVs, minivans and pick-ups. While Honda and Toyota were focused on lean engineering and hybrid technology, Detroit was banking on the suburban SUV. Which seemed to work - for a while. Soccer moms everywhere were driving kicky SUVs. But the advent of gas that costs over $1 per litre eventually put the brakes on the SUV market. Who can afford to tool around in a gas guzzler these days?

Some would say that GM should have seen the increase in gas prices as inevitable (some people like me, for instance). But they made a strategic choice, it backfired and now they have no choice but to change direction. Oil will not get cheaper. Big cars are not the wave of the future. So plants like the Oshawa truck facility - where GM manufactured Chevrolet Silverado and GMC Sierra - are pointless relics.

And as for the money McGuinty and friends want refunded from GM? Well, I say let GM keep it. The deal was that they'd keep job losses to a minimum. And by refocusing the company, that's exactly what they are doing.

But if your kids ask you for advice about what they should do when they grow up - I'd suggest you tell them to look at anything other than manufacturing. The era of well-paid, unionized factory jobs for life is over - for Canada anyway - and it isn't coming back. Recently, for the first time, the number of retail jobs in Canada exceeded the number of manufacturing jobs. The shift to the service economy continues.

Finally!

2008-06-04T10:14:00.002-04:00

Obama is the nominee - and Hilary's left the door open to be his running mate. While I worry that an Obama-Clinton dream team ticket might be every bit as unelectable as Clinton-anyone-else ticket, part of me gets an unseemly pleasure from the notion of the red state hissy fits that would ensue at the mere thought of the US being governed by a black guy and a woman.

Rocking It on Idol

2008-05-22T08:31:00.003-04:00

So 'Rocker' David Cook beat out 'Cherubic-and-sexually-non-threatening' David Archuleta on American Idol.

Yes, I watch it. I'm not ashamed (okay, I'm only slightly ashamed). And I did think Cook was pretty good. He did reasonably cool alt-rock versions of Lionel Ritchie's Hello, Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby and Chris Cornell's version of Billie Jean. He gave off the teensiest bit of edge - which on Idol made him the official rocker poster-boy.

Now, on the grand scheme of things, Cook is no more a rocker than Taylor Hicks is a soul singer. Rock is dangerous. And Cook just isn't. Because American Idol is about appealing to the masses (and to Coca Cola, lets not forget). In the end, Cook is way closer to Archuleta than to Iggy Pop on the edgy-rock-god scale. But he had some imagination, didn't remind me at all of Clay Aiken and might make some interesting music someday. All in all, not a bad pick.

Now on to So You Think You Can Dance!

The Tuna Does Not Care For Dancing

2008-05-22T07:59:00.003-04:00

So, Bill Parcells is a pretty quirky guy. One of the best coaches in the history of football, Parcells is now EVP of Football Operations for the Miami Dolphins. As a coach, Parcells led the New York Giants to two Superbowl wins and led the Pats, Jets and Cowboys to the playoffs but not to the big win. Along the way, he gained a reputation as prickly and quixotic. If a player was one of 'his guys' - a hard-working tough guy with little to say - then he could do no wrong. If a player wasn't one of 'his guys'? Well, welcome to the deep freeze.

Seems it's a bit cold in Miami these days. And the target of Parcells' chilly wrath? None other that the single best player to play for the Dolphins in the last decade (if we pretend Zack Thomas doesn't exist) - NFL Man of the Year, 2006 Defensive Player of the Year, current twinkle toes, Jason Taylor.

Seems Taylor, after 11 seasons in the league is starting to think about his future - and he thinks he sees it in Hollywood. Taylor wants to be The Rock (or, failing that, Howie Long). And the first step to that Hollywood career was a stop at Dancing with the Stars, where he finished second to total ringer Kristi Yamaguchi. On the show, Taylor proved himself to be less of a dancer than Emmitt Smith, but better than Jerry Rice. Not so bad over all. He was charming. He was funny. He was desperately trying to appear manly in sequins (though being a 6'6" defensive end doesn't hurt there). All was good in the world.

But not with the Tuna. Seems Taylor didn't clear the dancing stint with his boss. And making the finals meant missing Dolphins voluntary workouts this spring. The Tuna is not pleased. So when Taylor popped into southern Florida for a visit, Parcells gave him the patented freeze-out. Taylor got pissed and now it seems all but certain Taylor will follow Thomas to play for someone else this year.

So Miami finished 1-15 last year and this what they think their big problem is? Taylor is late to class? Not even class - early morning voluntary tutoring! That's their problem? Not the fact that they have to choose a quarterback from amongst a rookie second-rounder, a second-year second-rounder and Josh McCown?

Baseball as it was meant to be played

2008-05-02T09:26:00.003-04:00

Finally saw baseball, really, for the first time this week. Don't get me wrong, I've seen lots of Jays games in person, at the concrete monstrosity formerly known as Skydome. But now, for the first time, I've seen professional baseball as it was meant to be seen.

It's all about the ballpark and this week, I saw my first game at Fenway Park.

Walking into it for the first time - green walls, painted wooden seats, lush, real grass and dirt close enough that you can see and smell it - Fenway feels smaller than it is. It feels inviting, comforting, welcoming. Emerging from the tunnels, I honestly felt something akin to awe. I felt I was walking into a cathedral of baseball.

In row 31 of the grandstands, we were closer to the players than even those in the best seats at Rogers Centre. Sitting around the way from the Green Monster, I could see the expressions on player's faces.

Surrounded by a sea of Sox tee and jerseys and hats, I felt what it was like to be part of a baseball game for the first time. The crowd has a palpable energy - good natured and rowdy. They shouted Yooooook for their first baseman at every opportunity, cheered just a little louder than normal for their slumping Big Papi, stood and hooted at every pitch from closer Papelbon, good-naturedly teased the dorky Canadians in their midst. They ate weirdly pink Fenway Franks and caught bags of peanuts from the vendors. Drunkenly sang along with Sweet Caroline. They were at the game.

See, living in Toronto, we've only seen a pale facsimile of a real baseball experience. Cold. Sterile. Quiet. Boring, really. And what really stymies me is how anyone who had ever been to Fenway could have designed a 'ballpark' like Skydome. Guess we deserve what we got.

Miley=Lindsay?

2008-04-28T12:26:00.003-04:00

Have you seen the photos? No, not the obviously tarty ones of young Miley Cyrus flashing her green bra at the camera. Rather, the ones of the God-fearing fifteen-year-old posing for Vanity Fair. She went topless for Annie Liebovitz and is now saying the photos are inappropriate and embarrassing.

In a throwdown between media titans, Disney has come out in support of their Hannah Montana, saying VF went too far. Vanity Fair, for their part, explain that Miley's parents and minders were on set all day, and even saw the digital photo that very day.

What's most disturbing about the shot isn't the early sexualization of a young girl - the accompanying shots of Miley leaning against her dad are more creepily sexualized than the topless one. It's how young and innocent she looks. And how some kinds of people are going to like that picture all the more for the very fact that she looks so young. This isn't Britney in her school-girl uniform, but it's the same twisted fantasy.

And you can't help but wonder about the parents who said that, yes, their daughter could take her top off for Vanity Fair. Especially given that Oscar-night interview with Barbara Walters, in which young Miley exclaimed that she would never, even wind up like Britney or Lindsay.

If only.

Because when you want fame this badly, it is only a matter of time. And when she falls, people will look at the media and the industry and the party scene and blame them once again. But if someone asked your 15-year-old to take off her top for a photograph, what would you say?

The Obama-Clinton Divide

2008-04-28T12:12:00.003-04:00

I've had some interesting conversations lately about the democratic race for the presidential nomination. (Why we Canadians remain so fascinated by the political process in the US is a story for another day. But suffice to say, if Stephen Harper was your leader, you'd be looking elsewhere for your political intrigue fix too)The consensus seems to be that:

1) It's dragging on way too long, and that the only person truly benefiting is McCain, because,
2) Obama stands to get only more bruised and bloodied on the way to nomination, leaving the party in a very bad position, but
3) Hillary really has no choice but to stay. Why?
4) If she stays in the race and Obama stumbles badly (always a possibility with young, new-to-the-scene candidates), she's the nominee. If she drops out before he stumbles, there's a good chance the party chooses someone else as the nominee (Al Gore, anyone?). She has no incentive to leave, and just enough money and sense of entitlement to stay.

So, it's nasty. And it will get nastier. And for Obama, who has eshewed the old Clinton-style dirty fighting, it'll get harder and harder to resist getting his hands dirty. All good for Mr. McCain.

And on the voting front, here's a chart I found fascinating. Basically, it gives the numbers behind the story we've heard before - blacks and the affluent vote for Obama. Women and the working class vote for Hillary. That's the thing. I can't for the life of me figure out what the working class see in Mrs. Clinton that they don't see in Obama. Does she feel their pain? I don't get why she connects and Obama doesn't.

For me, I still think we'll see a black male president before we see a female one. Whether it's Obama remains to be seen.

Bits and Bobs

2008-04-01T12:18:00.002-04:00

It's been too long. Again. Sorry. Somehow my job keeps getting in the way of plentiful blogging. Excuses, excuses. Anyway, here's some of what's been going on:

Jose Canseco is Vindicated.
The new book is out from the guy who helped blow the lid off steroids in baseball. In Juiced, he pointed fingers and named names, all while continuing to be an apologist for those who used during the steroid era. Derided at the time, the book has gained a whole heck of lot of credibility since the Mitchell Report. Hence the name of the new book. Not much new inside though - except this: Canseco really, really hates Alex Rodriguez. Because, he says, the young A-Rod kept hitting on Canseco's wife. Gotta love it. Oh, and for those of you waiting for the day that that dirty Barry Bonds record would be obliterated by someone younger and cleaner? Well, A-Rod will likely break that record, but Canseco says he's totally juiced too. Ah, baseball.

Will the West boycott the Olympics?
Never gonna happen, my friend. Because, as the 1980 and 1984 Olympics proved, boycotts only hurt the athletes. And sometimes boycotts lead to Canadian winning medals in swimming because there are no East Germans in the mix, but that's beside the point. We may see a boycott of the opening ceremonies, though - which seems like a pretty sound move to me. Out of all this, in the end, I must give props to the Tibetan protesters. They've used China's moment in the Olympic sun to bring attention to their plight in a startlingly effective way.

What happened to Priscilla Presley's face?
Watched Dancing With the Stars last night. It may as well have been an infomercial on the scary side of plastic surgery. Steve Guttenberg loved like this was the greatest time of his life, though. How cute is that. Me, I'm cheering for Jason Taylor. I love when the football player foxtrot.

That's all for now.

Hallelujah

2008-03-06T08:09:00.002-05:00

On American Idol the other night, the kid with the nasty dreads chose Hallelujah as his 1980s' theme night selection. He wasn't entirely painful, though he backed off of some of the more transcendent notes. It was all worth it, though, for this little taste test over at Entertainment Weekly: Which version of the haunting (haunted?) classic most stirs your soul?

The Jeff Buckley version virtually drips with pain and melancholy. Of course, his later suicide in the muddy waters of the Mississippi add a dose of painful reality to this version. He loses points for appearing on the soundtrack to the O.C. and for not being Canadian.

KD's version has a velvety-richness that, I think, suffers next to Buckley's stripped-down version. It's beautifully sung, but less heartfelt.

John Cales' take appeared in the film Shrek, so is actually the most widely heard version for these kids today. Stirring but somehow not heartbreaking.

As for Rufus, which I'm told appears on the Shrek soundtrack in place of Cale - s'okay. A little nasally with some nice piano. Honestly, I'd rather hear him sing some Garland.

I'd never heard the Allison Crowe version. The candles on the piano scream 'Aren't I poignant?" Meh.

And of course, there's Cohen. Creepy, booming, freaky. I love him, I do. This version, not so much.

A Sad End

2008-02-26T07:46:00.002-05:00

The Leafs are bad. Just plain bad. No surprise there. Not much to say about it either. There will be no playoffs this year - just a sad shuffle towards the golf season as die-hard buds fans try desperately to look for a silver lining.

Sorry folks, there is none.

Because this week, the Leafs illustrated once again just how little regard they have for their fans, their players and the Leaf legacy.

I've never been a big Sundin girl. But even I can't deny that the big guy has given his life to Toronto - has taken every hit dished out on the ice and in the media. Is he a rah-rah captain? Absolutely not. But he plays hard every time he's on the ice, bravely faces the media crush after every game, and how much more can we really ask than that?

Well, we can ask him to waive his no-trade clause - negotiated in good faith - and ask him to give up the notion of retiring as a Leaf. Thanks for all the hard work, Mats, now get the hell out.

Can you imagine the Detroit Red Wings having asked Steve Yzerman to accept a late-season trade in the twilight of his career? It would never happen. Because the Wings are a classy organization - an organization that treats their players with respect and realizes that trading a beloved captain is about as big an F-U to the fans as you can give.

The Leafs haven't been classy since Ballard. This is a city that scrutinizes every move by its hockey players and that venerates the guy wearing the C above all else. It's been noted that you are never as good or as bad as Toronto fans make you, and for no one is that more true than the captain of the Leafs. It started with Ballard treating Dave Keon as a commodity and, time after time, we've screwed around, pissed off and traded the likes of Sittler, Clark, Gilmore and now Sundin. Want to know why we haven't won since 1967? This kind of disdain goes a long way to explaining it.

It's a wonder anyone is willing to wear the C in this city at all.

My New Hero

2008-02-14T11:39:00.003-05:00

It's Andy Petitte. I'm his new biggest fan. Never thought I'd cheer for a Yankee, but here I am, and here's why:

“I have to tell you the truth. I have to live with myself. And one day I have to give an account to God and not to nobody else of what I’ve done in my life. And that’s why I’ve said and shared the stuff that I’ve shared today that I wouldn’t like to share.”

OK, his version had a whole bunch of y'all's in it. But it is the substance of Petitte's deposition to the congressional hearings into baseball dirty little steroid secret that matters. Here it is: I lied. I took steroids. I saw my friends take them. And I lied about that. But now, because some things matter more than standing behind an old lie, I am going to tell the truth.

So unlike Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire and, heaven help him, Roger Clemens, Petitte admitted to what we all knew to be true and took one of the hardest steps imaginable. He chose to stop lying. Even if it meant he removed all legal doubt about his use of performance enhancers. Even if it meant making his good friend Clemens look like an ass (or a bigger ass, as the case may be).

Sounds like Hall of Fame material to me.

Aw, so sad...

2008-02-06T09:06:00.000-05:00

In case you missed the game on Sunday, and don't have time to read the massively long live blog, here's all you need to know:

The Super Blog - Second Half

2008-02-03T20:05:00.001-05:00

Man, Tom Petty is old. But at least I don't worry he'll be electrocuted, as with Prince's rain-soaked set last year. Freeeeeeee fallin'.

I really didn't see a 7-3 first half coming. Let's see what Belichick and Coughlin have up their (cut-off) sleeves in the way of half-time adjustments...

Q3

We're out of chicken wings and into the pecan butter tarts. One of the tarts has exactly one pecan on it. That's some serious quality control right there.

First drive - the Pats are looking more effective than in the second quarter - they got a few first downs - but the Giants D is still bringing it. Time for a punt.

Or perhaps for a too-many-men penalty. John Madden feels for you, Coughlin. That could be a big momentum shifter. Ouch.

Massive hold for the Giants defence there - and for Strahan in particular.

Wow, those Patriots cheerleaders really aren't wearing much, are they? Even for cheerleaders, that's a lot of skin. It must be Belichick's attempt to distract Strahan.

You don't hear much about star punters - but Feagles downs the ball inside the 15 pretty much every time. Special teams haven't been much of a factor so far today, except for Feagles - who has kept the Pats pinned back mighty effectively. I'm so ready for a safety.

Still 7-3. You gotta be impressed that the Giants have held the Patriots to one touchtown. But I don't see how long they can stay in it before the Patriots bust open a big play for another score. The Giants need to score, and soon, or they have no chance in this one.

Q4

Here we go...

Huge play to Boss - that's a rookie with some big potential...

Hey, Jeremy Shockey! I forgot he was even on this team. Team chemistry is a strange and wonderful thing - despite what Aikman says, I absolutely think the Giants are better without Shockey (and without Tiki for that matter). I wonder if Shockey and Peyton are doing shots in the luxury box.

Finally! 10-7 Giants.

Back to Brady. Another scoreless drive.

It does go to show.... back in week 17, a bunch of pundits, Jimmy Johnson of Fox included, criticized Coughlin for playing all his starters and trying for a win against the 16-0 Patriots. They said he should have rested his starters for the wildcard game the following week. Others commended Coughlin for being a good sport, for being loyal the spirit of the game and for refusing to let the Patriots back into perfection. But what few recognized at the time was how significant playing well against the Pats would be for these Giants. Forget week 3. Forget the road games. That game - week 17 - gave these Giants the confidence to really believe they could do it. That they could beat the Cowboys. That they could beat the Packers. That they had a real chance in this Superbowl, no matter what the betting line in Vegas said. Whether they win tonight or not, they have to be proud of how they ended this season. Sure, Manning or Burress or Strahan could have gotten hurt against the Pats that week, but I don't think any of them would be in the game today if they hadn't played in week 17.

Time to vote for the MVP. Hmm. It's almost always an offensive player - but in this game? Hard to say who best qualifies. Can we give it to the Giants defensive coordinator?

The Patriots look good to score on this drive. If they score here, Brady might actually get that MVP again.

Though Welker is making a case for himself. An undrafted free agent out of college, he's al of 5'9". If he wins the MVP, he should send Randy Moss a fruit basket.

First and goal. 3 minutes left. 3 timeouts a side. 3 points apart. This is good stuff, no?

The Giants defence just isn't getting the kind of pressure that they were earlier. They've got to be some kind of tired at this point.

Third and goal. 2:45. Brady to Moss.

14-10 Patriots.

This is it, Eli. This is your John Elway moment. Two minutes left in the Superbowl. One score. Do it and you're immortal. Fail and you're still Peyton's less-talented little brother. Your defence kept you in it - now you have to step up, out of Peyton's geeky shadow into your geeky own.

4th and 1. No pressure.

Jacobs looks like he's in.

No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How did Tyree hold onto that? How did Eli not get sacked? Man alive that was crazy.

40 seconds. No timeouts. First and 10 at the 14. Touchdown to Burress!!!!!! No way!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the greatest game ever! Ok, maybe not ever. But that was awesomely delicious.

17-14 Giants.

Looks like Eli is the MVP. Back to back Mannings as MVP? The defence gets screwed yet again.

Back to Brady with 36 seconds and 3 timeouts. After the kick, it's 29 seconds from the 25. Good grief. This would be the biggest Super Bowl upset of all time if the Giants can hold.

The 1972 Dolphins grab some bottles of champagne... and that's the game.

Perfection remains elusive.

The Super Blog

2008-02-03T18:29:00.001-05:00

Well, 27 hours of pre-game are mercifully drawing to an end, and we've made it through Pam Oliver's interview with the kinder, gentler Tom Coughlin - who it turns out was made into somewhat less of an ass by his wife telling him to lighten up already, through Terry Bradshaw telling Tom Brady that Giselle's kind of hot, through the worst lip-synching performance since Britney at the MTV Awards (hi Paula!), though all the pomp and circumstance and through one very wierd reading of the declaration of independence.

The Anthem:
I tend not to care for slowed-down 'soulful' renditions of the Star Spangled banner, but I gotta say, Jordin Sparks kicked it.

The Coin Flip:
In honour of the late Bill Walsh, it's his kids, plus Ronnie Lott, Jerry Rice and... Steve Young. What, was Montana still busy working that dinner in the NFL Network commercials? Tails, the Giants receive.

Kick-off, baby!

The Game:

First play for 3 yards. Aikman says he was hyperventilating in the huddle in his first Superbowl. If Troy was that freaked, Eli may be truly fucked.

I'm all for third-down conversions - that's two in a row for the Giants - but how about a second-down conversion for a change?

Commercial break - Canadian commercials suck most times, but it is cruel and unusual punishment to have to watch those moronic Rogers kids when the rest of the world is getting million-dollar, Justin Timberlake-for-Pepsi spectaculars.

Hey look - there's Peyton watcing from a luxury box. Hi Peyton, enjoy the nachos.

Ohhhh - Eli throws into the endzone to Plax in double coverage. He is damn lucky Hobbs didn't come up with an interception on that one!

The weary hubby has just announced that if Brady wins, he'll be throwing things at the TV. I worry for the poor TV.

3 points Giants. They're gonna have to come up with better red zone play if they're gonna win. Field goals against the Pats mean you're going to fall behind fast. The Giants defence is going to have to work hard just to slow down Brady-Moss-Welker, and they'll need as many points behind as they can get...

3-0 Giants

Iron Man commercial. The weary hubby: "Oh, that looks pretty good!" Jen: "Meh"

First play by the Pats. Brady tastes turf. Yay. This may well be my highlight of the day Brady-wise, so I'll take it where I can get it.

There's a shot of Josh McDaniels on the sidelines. Wasn't it nice of Belichick to make his 17-year-old nephew his offensive coordinator?

Moss, where are you Moss? Double covered much? C'mon Brady - throw a few jump balls that way!

Q2

Touchdown Pats. Maroney is eating up yards today!

7-3 Pats

Didn't Will Ferrell already make Semi-Pro, but with figure skating and Napoleon Dynamite? Or have they all started blending together in my mind? And if the bobble-head Elvis on your dashboard is talking to you, perhaps getting gas shouldn't be your top priority - but rather finding a good mental health professional...

Hey, it's Giselle. And Jenny and Jim. And oh man, does Pam Anderson look like she needs a nap. Or some sunscreen. So, Eli has Peyton and his mom, Tom has Giselle. Advantage Tom.

Plax drops the ball, perhaps distracted by Pam Anderson's dayglow tan.

Ni-ice play to Toomer! Or as weary hubby said: "How the fuck...?"

Eli's too slow and runs out of time on the play clock. Peyton would never do that.

Awesome - they show Peyton signalling that Eli was too slow during the play. Hurry it up, little brother, hurry it up.

Interception. Dammit! Not Eli's fault. Dammit.

Seriously, that skinny Apple laptop freaks me out. I want my "I'm a Mac" commercials instead.

Big third down stop of Maroney followed by a good return. The interception is for naught.

Horses! Not playing football this year but instead a classic training montage! Go Hank! High five! Nice.

Narnia commercial. The weary hubby: "What the...?"

Fumble. For fuck's sake. The Pats got mugged on the recovery though.

The Giants are suddenly getting nothing. The Pats defence is stepping it up. Punt.

That's quite a jaunty red sweater that Belichick is wearing today. Is the grey hoodie in the wash?
What was that about an offensive show today? Giants blitz and take Brady down. Wait till the second half though - the Pats will light this one up before long, no matter what Michael Strahan has to say about it.

3 and out. 3 and out.

Moss looks pretty tired for a guy with no catches.

The Giants seem pretty keen on eating up the clock on offense with lots of running plays. Pretty good notion, so long as you can score at the end of it. Maybe they could try throwing to to Plaxico Burress, no?

New England is currently -19 in total yards for the half. The weary hubby suggests a raise for the Giants defensive coordinator. I suggest ice packs for Tom Brady, who is getting hit on every single play this quarter.

Hey, Moss caught the ball. That's nice for him.

Hey, Brady loses the ball. That's nice for me. Judging from the cheers, the crowd is mostly pro Giants. Screw history?

Half-time.

Tom Petty. I have to say I care not.

Does Reading Make You Dumber?

2008-01-30T12:19:00.000-05:00

Depends which books you choose, apparently. A clearly not rigorous but kinda funny study highlighted by both Richard Florida and Freakonomics links the most popular books across college campuses with the SAT scores at those schools.

The results? Lolita, 100 Years of Solitude, Crime and Punishment, Freakonomics, and Atlas Shrugged are popular with the smart kids. The lower SAT scorers go for stuff like The Color Purple, Fahrenheit 451 and The Outsiders.

Catch 22 is smartier than Wuthering Heights. The Da Vinci Code beats Hamlet. He's Just Not that into You looks like it just edges out Fight Club.

What does it all mean? I'd say it means college students do read some crap (hello, Tuesdays with Morrie) but are more likely to highlight the classy stuff on their profiles.

And in terms of that top 5, I'll admit I've only read 3 and thought they were each brilliant and challenging in different ways. Lolita is one of the finest books ever written, full stop. Solitude was dense, beautiful and affecting - but somehow doesn't make my list of all-time favourites. Maybe I'm just not a magic realist kind of gal. Or the fact that everyone had the same name strained by brain. And Freakonomics was really just good fun. For Crime and Punishment, I'll get there someday when I'm feeling brave. And Ayn Rand just ain't ever going to happen, bigger brain or not.

Election Update

2008-01-30T08:41:00.000-05:00

Turns out these is an election of some kind in the country to our south. Gee, there's so little coverage of it, I wouldn't have noticed.

For those who have kept their distance from the longest election in the world thus far, let me update you now, as we're about a week away from actually finding out who will be the nominees. After Super Tuesday, February 5, we should have a pretty good idea of the slate on both sides.

On the Democratic side, it is a two-horse race. This situation comes well after the media told us first that it was certainly Hilary's race and then that it was Obama's to win and now, well, that they have no clue. One thing is for sure - the outcome of this race will be historic. Either a woman or a black man will be the nominee. It isn't inconceivable that both could end up on the ticket (though Clinton-Edwards and Obama-Edwards seem more likely, given the closeness of the race and the likelihood of some serious mud to be flung in the coming weeks, than either Clinton-Obama or Obama-Clinton - especially since it looks like Edwards will drop out of the race today).

The most interesting aspect of this race, of course, is the Bill factor. As in ex-President, I-did-not-have-sex-with-that-woman Bill Clinton. He's been Hilary's biggest booster, her advisor, her campaigner, her attack dog. And while he can not officially take on a role in her cabinet, it's clear that the Clinton value proposition is a two-for-one deal. Just like before, only this time it'll be her name on the door and, presumably, no interns crouched under the desk.

The question for me: given the slim chance that America would ever actually vote in a woman President anyway, does it help or hurt the cause that the first woman to have a real chance at the ticket is so divisive and, well, pretty damn unlikable? Hurt, I think. Like up here in Canada-land, our first woman Prime Minister, Kim Campbell, was so uniformly ineffectual that her party was all but destroyed in the aftermath. It'll be one hell of a long time before we see another PM wearing a skirt (assuming Stephen Harper doesn't have any leanings in this direction that we've been heretofore unaware of).

On the Republican side, it's all less clear. Well, except for one-time-front-runner "America's Mayor" Rudy Giuliani. That's pretty clear. It looks like the cynics were right after all and Rudy really was crazy to pin all of his presidential hopes on Florida, essentially skipping the early primaries in favour of decisive win here. No momentum, no win, no chance.

That leaves Arizona Senator John McCain, millionaire Mormon Mitt Romney and born-again right-winger Mike Huckabee. This is the race with real buzz - and in my opinion is the real race for foe White House. My money's on McCain, but it can all change in a minute. Just ask Rudy Giuliani.

Blogs from the Past

2008-01-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

My best friend just sent me links to two blogs - both from old high school friends I haven't seen in 15 years. One, her old boyfriend (whom I always thought wasn't nearly good enough for her), another from a guy I had something of a lust-hate relationship with. OK, it totally wasn't a relationship. And he basically had lust-hate, not-really-a-relationships with almost every girl I knew.

So I clearly had to check these blogs out.

My first thought was - yes, he really wasn't good enough for her.

My second was - does running spellcheck really take that long? Is it really so hard? Or, as my friend Jonathan would say, good grammar costs nothing, people!

And then - did I really once know these people? If you'd told me the last time I saw them that it would be the last, would I have been sad?

I was at a wedding recently and saw a handful of friends from high school. Again, friends I hadn't seen in 15 years. It was weird and wonderful to see them again, but things stayed at the "so, where do you work, how's your family, what's new with you, do you remember that time when we..." level. With these blogs, I was getting a stream-of-consciousness entry into how these guys see themselves, how they think, what they are really like today.

Holy crap.

I get it. I do. Blogs are inherently self indulgent. As I type this - I'm being entirely self-indulgent. Look at me! Aren't I smart? Don't I have important thoughts that bear writing down and being read by total strangers and old high school friends? Check me out in all my witty brilliance. But despite its misspelled and painfully articulated drawbacks, blogging is a phenomenon - a user-generated, unedited-prose-spilling-unfiltered-from-one's-brain phenomenon - that I find entirely fascinating. How much do you share? How much do you show? Do you blog about dinner last night? Rant about rantworthy topics in politics and life? Or barely blog at all, you lazy bastard!

Leafs Fire Ferguson

2008-01-22T12:22:00.000-05:00

No way....! Who could possibly have seen this coming? Shocked, I am.

Whatever.

Is there a professional sports organization anywhere in the world that is so financially successful in spite of itself? Seriously. The Leafs kept Ferguson at the end of last season, when it was abundantly clear that the man should be fired. They turned down help from quite possibly the greatest hockey mind in the game, one Scotty Bowman. Then, they leave Ferguson twisting in the wind for weeks while they line up his replacement. And that replacement is a guy who was past his hockey prime 10 years ago. No-one loves has-beens like the Leafs love has-beens.

Who runs a business like this?

I used to be a huge Leafs fan. In the brutal 80's, then the all-too-brief Gilmore era, I was bleeding blue and white. But the strike got me out of the hockey habit and I haven't been back. But I do feel for the die-hards who have to put up with Peddie and his complete managerial ineptitude.

Better luck next year...

Oscar Season

2008-01-22T09:18:00.000-05:00

It remains to be seen whether the Oscars will actually happen this year - in their typical format or in some bizarre starless press conference like the Globes - but the nominees are out. Let the handicapping begin!

The big winners:

Cate Blanchett -
She's won before - as Best Supporting Actress for her spot-on Katherine Hepburn impression in The Aviator. This year, she's up for both Best Actress, in Elizabeth: The Golden Age, and for channelling Bob Dylan in his Rock God era in I'm Not There. The Dylan nod was a slam-dunk, but the nomination for the underwhelming Elizabeth sequel shows just how much the Academy loves Cate. It's good to be Queen.

Juno -
It really is this year's Little Miss Sunshine - the quirky indie that gets some serious love from the Academy. With nominations for actress Ellen Page, director Jason Reitman, screenplay for Diablo Cody and, oh, by the way, best picture, Juno seems to have charmed its way into some serious categories. Go Canada!

Then there were the shoo-ins - Day-Lewis, Clooney, Javier Bardem, Philip Seymour Hoffman - in the men's categories, Hollywood's heavy hitters were all present and accounted for.

The snubs:

This what we really care about, right? Who was left out?

Atonement -
Sure, it got a bunch of nominations, including best picture, but nothing for stars Kiera Knightley or James McAvoy. Could Hollywood be getting weary of that perpetually sour look on Kiera's face, too?

Angelina Jolie -
No nomination for her Oscar-bait role as Marianne Pearl in A Mighty Heart. At least she has Brad and those dozen or so kids of theirs to comfort her.

Into the Wild -
Hmmm, maybe whining about how much you hate Awards season won't actually help your film very much, eh Sean Penn? Hmmm.

Superbuzz

2008-01-22T09:11:00.000-05:00

Brady is wearing a cast on his foot? While this news might make the media go into a tizzy, especially given the NFL's traditional post-season game of Name that Undisclosed Injury, it hasn't gotten me too worked up. Trust me - there is absolutely nothing stopping Tom Brady from playing in this year's Superbowl. And winning another damn MVP either.

Much as I'd love to believe it, these isn't much hope that the Giants can pull off the upset. The Pats have looked beatable the past 6 weeks or so, but not likely by a double-digit underdog with a hit-and-miss middle-tier QB. Well, unless Burress can keep playing like her did on Sunday - and given that he has pretty much never in his life played as well as he did on Sunday, that could be tough.

I'll admit, my Superbowl prediction - Indy over the Pack - didn't pan out. This time, though, it's a no-brainer. Take the Giants with the spread, but the Pats are winning the whole darn thing. Damn it.

Championship Sunday

2008-01-16T07:51:00.000-05:00

It is, as some of you know, my very favourite day of the year. It's a simple equation:

Championship Sunday > Superbowl Sunday

Why?

Too many Superbowls are one-sided blow-outs, or low-scoring snores. Truly competitive games on the big Sunday are few and far between. But Championship Sunday? These are games between teams that know each other well - usually between well-matched teams (with none of the AFC-NFC power imbalance at play). Often, they are games between teams who hate one another.

The big-ticket match-up would, of course, have been Indianapolis versus New England. How much do Colts fans hate the Pats? So much so that they booed a 14-year-old girl who was announced as one of the winner of the NFL Punt, Pass & Kick Competition just for wearing a Pats jersey.

But given that Indy pretty much gave the game away with some seriously lackluster offence on Sunday, it'll be New England versus San Diego. Oh, and by the way, the Chargers really hate the Patriots too. LT, really, really hates them. Now, if only he plays it might be interesting. I wouldn't bet on it though - it'll be New England in the end.

The other game is the one with some real intrigue. The Giants barely made it into the play-offs and looked likely to exit early as they began their traditional late-season swoon. But something funny happened on the way to the play-offs. The defence, written off in weeks one and two as brutally bad, started playing like pro-bowlers. And in the last week of the season, rather than sit their stars to rest for the play-offs, the Giants met history head on by playing hard against the Pats in their quest for regular season perfection. And the Giants made a game of it. They came as close as anyone has to defeating the Pats this year. A Pats-Giants Superbowl sounds almost tantalizing. There's just one thing in the way:

Lambeau Field.

It's beaten down better teams than the Giants (see: Seattle Seahawks). Brett Favre is playing with a bunch of kids - the Pack are the youngest team in the league, even when you include their geriatric QB - and he's playing his best ball in years. That ridiculous completion as he was stumbling through the snow last week? It belonged on the highlight reels not just for the sheer pluck of it, but for the remarkable sense of the field Favre retains.

Whether this week will be a similar snowy winter wonderland or not remains to be seen. But the game looks like a good one.

My superbowl pick - the Colts - is done for. So, I'll have to pull for the Pack to redeem me - at least a little.

The Rundown

2008-01-09T10:39:00.000-05:00

So I take a little break from blogging and looks what happens... all heck breaks loose.

The Chargers won a play-off game (and looked really, really crappy doing it, one might add). Eli Manning won a play-off game (and actually looked pretty good doing it). So will it be Manning v Manning in the Superbowl? Let's not count on that one just yet.

The Steelers are out - in a year that Big Ben didn't crash his motorcycle. The Seahawks are in - in a year where Matt Hasselbeck played like he'd just crashed his motorcycle. Jacksonville is being touted as the real wildcard in the race - the kind that makes the top seeds nervous. But after nearly letting Pittsburgh come back in what should have been a rout, they look pretty mortal to me.

Other news:

He's Just Asking for Trouble Now
I kinda felt for Tony Romo. I did. He fumbled away the Boys' playoffs last year and took a pounding when his girlfriend showed up his worst game of the season this year. Poor guy, I thought. Then, he decides to spend his bye-week in Mexico with said girlfriend and her parents. I'm not saying he needed to be running drills every day at Texas Stadium - but if by some miracle the G-men upset the Cowboys this weekend it is all we're gonna hear about - "Why was Romo in Cabo with Jessica instead of prepping for the game." Spend a dirty weekend with your girlfriend, buddy, but don't do in front of the paparazzi!

The Devil is MVP
It was inevitable of course. After the ridiculous season occasioned by his teaming with Randy Moss, all the records, the undefeated season and the supermodel girlfriend, Tom Brady is the MVP. But it wasn't unanimous. One guy actually voted for Brett Favre - presumably because he has less to work with. But by that measure, wouldn't the MVP be Derek Anderson?

Joe Gibbs Retires
He didn't totally destroy his sterling reputation with the coaching comeback - though giving away a win by calling back to back time outs didn't help much. Seeing him on the sidelines, though, you just knew he was thinking "I'm way too old for this shit."

My official pick for the Superbowl:
Here it is, call me crazy - Indianapolis versus Green Bay. Indy wins. Really, that's what I think will happen. Or maybe I just want desperately to believe it. Either way, that's my pick.

Showdown in Dallas

2007-12-20T08:56:00.000-05:00

It's Terrell Owens vs.... Jessica Simpson?

Seriously, this is the big feud of the week? After calling Jeff Garcia gay and suggesting that basically any quarterback, especially a white one, would be an improvement over Donovan McNabb, TO has set his sights on the decidedly down-market starlet.

In case you missed it, Jessica is currently desperately fame-whoring her relationship with Dallas quarterback Tony Romo, having been unceremoniously dumped by John Mayer and discovering that Johnny Knoxville will no longer return her phone calls. On Sunday, she showed up in a private box for the Dallas-Philly game, only to watch her new man play the worst game of his professional career, stats-wise and lose the game. (For those interested in Romo's previous worst outing, well that would be when then-girlfriend Carrie Underwood showed up to watch him play).

Joe Buck definitely noticed Jessica was there, in the creepiest 'hey-check-out-the-hot-chick' commentary I've witnessed in a long time, Buck suggested to Troy Aikman that the best thing about being a Dallas quarterback would be the opportunity to nail Jessica Simpson. Aikman didn't seem to agree.

And what does Owens, who had only a handful of balls thrown in his direction on Sunday, several of which ended up in the hands of Eagles defenders, have to say about Simpson, Romo and the Cowboys?

"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favourite - in this locker-room or in Texas Stadium."

Classy. He went on: "Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned."

Way to make it all about TO! Love it.

But not as much as I love this, which was about the funniest thing I read all week:

"FOX has shown Jessica Simpson roughly 217 times in the last five minutes. She's in a luxury box wearing one of those pink jerseys ... the way Romo's playing, he might as well be wearing one, too. If he finds it difficult to perform when she's around, it's going to be a detriment to both the Dallas Cowboys, and to Jessica Simpson's chances at sexual gratification."

All of this really leaves me with one question: Is moving from Carrie Underwood to Jessica Simpson trading up? Or trading down?

Rock on, Hall of Fame, Rock on!

2007-12-14T08:07:00.000-05:00

In an election about as suspenseful as Vladimir Putin's last Presidential campaign (or Hazel McCallion's mayoral race for that matter), the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame has deemed Madonna worthy of induction. As Madge ranks as the most successful (in terms of sales, influence, notoriety, longevity, you name it) female musician of any era, was there every any doubt? The minute Madonna hit the VMAs stage in a wedding dress to perform Like A Virgin, her legend was established.

Along with Madonna in the shoo-in category was Leonard Cohen (who my friend the2Scoops did not include in his own list of likely inductees way back in October). If influence and coolness matter - and clearly they do - Cohen was a total lock.

Missing out? The Beastie Boys! So, John Mellencamp beats out the boys from Brooklyn? A guy whose entire current career is based on selling pick-up trucks. The poor man's Bruce Springsteen? I mean, I love Jack and Diane as much as the next gal, and I, too, thought Ch-Check it Out was lame - but the Beasties launched new genres of music, made some of the most influential videos of MTV's golden era (thank you Spike Jones) and inspired a generation of kids to Fight for Their Right (to par-tee). Oh, and they spawned Vanilla Ice - so maybe they should be punished after all.

German Job-sharing

2007-12-13T09:06:00.000-05:00

I don't know why, but this story, about F1 legend Michael Schumacher taking the wheel from a starstruck and slow-moving cabbie made me laugh. If you ask me, this is a commercial waiting to happen...

The Eckler Paradox

2007-12-13T08:17:00.000-05:00

What makes me go to her site? Why can't I just ignore her? What bizarre compulsion forces me to see just how much she can abuse the English language?

Of course, like all reasonable women of my age, I have a hate on for Rebecca Eckler. Sure, some of it is plain old jealousy. In her mid-20s, she was given the remarkable opportunity (and sizable paycheck) of a regular column in a national newspaper. She was given reign to write about herself, her friends, her life, her generation. Unlike some who snipe that she slept her way into it, I tend to believe that she was just fortunate enough to be in the right place, with the right credentials and experience, at the right time. And great hair. So maybe I do envy her the plum job she held from 2000-2006. But that isn't why I hate her.

I hate her because she took that plum assignment and outright sucked.

Her writing was vapid. Her persona unpleasant and narcissistic. Some of her articles - including the one about her boyfriend leaving little gifts of cash around the house - so offended me as a woman that I was equal parts astonished, embarrassed and angry. This nitwit, the voice of my generation? Say what you want about Blatchford and DiManno, they aren't weak, simpering or dumb. They aren't the Paris Hiltons of journalism - and that is was Eckler was and is.

In 2006, she was dumped from the Post and has spend the last few years writing books, practising yoga, raising her daughter, accusing Judd Apatow of plagiarism and blogging. Her 'mommy blog' is Nine Pound Dictator. And it, too, sucks. The last post was about oh-so-early phone calls. If it had a point I missed it.

But I read it. Maybe it is self-flagellation. But I read it and then head straight here, to read notes from people who hate her a lot more than I do. But despite the hate, they, too, can't help reading her.

I think I need some sort of useless-anti-feminist-grammatically-challenged-writer intervention. Or maybe some yoga. Or maybe Leah MacLaren is free for a coffee later.

Would you Rather... (Freakonmics Edition)

2007-12-13T07:59:00.000-05:00

One of my favourite blog-stops is the one from the Freakonomics boys, here. (Haven't read Freakonomics? You should! Go buy it. Right now. I'll wait).

Anyway, one of the best things about the Freakonomics blog is the give-and-take with their readers. Take this post from yesterday: Dubner asks, "So, keeping in mind the two men’s ages, crimes, prison terms, reputational hits, post-prison opportunities, etc., tell us who you’d rather be, Conrad Black or Michael Vick."

That's a damn fine question. But it is the answers that are really interesting. A number of people pick Vick based purely on the fact that he's a lot younger (apparently being old is a fate worse than being a total dumbass). Intriguingly, lots of folks, despite the longer sentence, would rather be Black. The reasoning seems to be around the fact that he remains financially secure for the rest of his life and that his reputation is less damaged than Vick's. I dunno. Michael Vick isn't poor. And when he gets out of prison, someone will pay him a lot of money to play football again - either in the Arena Football League, or maybe even in the NFL. You can't tell me the Dolphins wouldn't take him. He and Ricky Williams could be roommates.

Now for me, I'd rather be Black because, while he is arrogant and obnoxious and massively self-satisfied, he sure isn't dumb. Vick, on the other hand, isn't setting any IQ records. Conrad will be fine. Vick will totally fuck up again. Otherwise, he just wouldn't be Michael Vick.

This week's lessons in football

2007-11-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

1. It is possible to throw for more than 400 yards and still lose the game. Sometimes it sucks to be Kurt Warner.

2. Don't throw to Devin Hester. Seriously, if people keep kicking to Hester, they just deserve to lose. Two TDs this week. Eleven in 27 regular season games. At a certain point, starting at the 40 has to look pretty good, no?

3. Yes, the Vikings can win without Adrian Peterson. As long as they are playing against Eli Manning. Wow, that was ug-ly. Apparently, it sometime sucks to be Eli Manning too.

4. This year's Superbowl is going to a massacre. No matter who makes it from the NFC, they are getting creamed. I love Green Bay as much as the next person - but if Favre makes the Superbowl, he's in big, big trouble.

The Best of All Time?

2007-11-22T18:37:00.000-05:00

A certain friend of mine, who shall go unnamed here because he might sue me otherwise, has recently been asserting that this year's New England Patriots are the Greatest Team of All TimeTM. I suggested to him that perhaps it was a touch early to be dolling out such dramatic accolades (or perhaps I said "Are you fucking nuts? It's only week 11, you Belichick-loving freak" or something along that line).

Not that they aren't damn good. Even I will admit that the Pats are crazy good. 40 or 50 points a week good. But I feel compelled to point out that that me, you and my grandma could score 56 points against Buffalo. Seriously now. The Pats have had only 2 real tests this season:

1) Dallas, week 6. Final score was 48-27. Fair enough, they looked like contenders for that greatest team crown against one of the NFC's best teams. But the game was closer than the score suggests, I swear.
2) Indy, week 9. Final was 24-20. Without Marvin Harrison in the line-up and with Peyton Manning spazzing it up. It was a great game, but New England didn't dominate as they should have unless Indianapolis is the Second Greatest Team Ever TM.

We'll see. We'll see if they go undefeated (my bet is still no - the playoffs matter a lot more to Belichick than the regular season and Pittsburgh and the Giants may just need wins in the next few weeks more than the Pats do. I'm just saying.)

In the meantime, who really is the Greatest Team of All Time?

Conventional wisdom says the 1972 Dolphins: Winners of 14 straight regular season games plus 3 playoff games including the Superbowl. The mythical perfect season. But now name me one player from that team? OK, other than Larry Czonka.

You could make an argument for the 1978 Pittsburgh Steelers: The steel curtain. Terry Bradshaw before he became a Sunday afternoon stand-up comedian. Mean Joe Greene before he became a Coca Cola commercial. Over 19 games, their defence gave up just 195 points. Plus, they had awesome sideburns.

Then there are the 1985 Chicago Bears. Bonus points for the sweetness that was Walter Payton and for William 'best nickname ever' Perry. Serious deductions for the Superbowl Shuffle.

I'm partial to the 1989 San Francisco 49ers. Montana, Craig, Rice, Lott. Hell, the back-up QB was some guy named Steve Young. Half the team are either pro announcers or NFL coaches. These guys knew the game. Plus, they kicked the stuffing out of Elway in the Superbowl.

Finally, much as I love football, and am so over baseball, let's not forget those 1927 New York Yankees. I hear they were pretty damn good, too.

Well that's timely!

2007-11-14T10:37:00.001-05:00

A much deeper analysis of the Disney mystique than mine: The Mickey Mouse MBA.

On Mickey Mouse, Etc.

2007-11-13T13:16:00.001-05:00

I was away on vacation last week, hanging out in Orlando - land of Mickey Mouse and outlet malls. It was all good, especially when viewed through the eyes of my two Princess-obsessed nieces (aged 5 and 7). You haven't seen pure unadulterated joy until you've seen a little girl get a hug from her favourite princess (that'd be Belle for the 5 year old and Aurora for the 7 year old. Who is Aurora you say? Clearly you are out of the princess loop, you sad, sad adult).

In the land of consumerism run amok, you have to admire what Disney has managed to build out of some old orange groves. The epitome of consumer culture, served with a smile. People actually did seem happier in the Magic Kingdom than in most other places on earth. Maybe they pipe in extra oxygen, like in casinos? Whatever it is, they clearly forgot to pipe it in to Animal Kingdom. Both overpriced and underfun, it make me wish I'd just gone back to the Magic Kingdom for another dose.

Because Disney knows how to do the Magic Kingdom up right. The trio of 'mountain' roller coasters were excellent, and the new Pirates of the Caribbean ride was really, really well done. Even weary hubby had a favourite ride - It's a Small World, if you can believe it - though I tend to think he was enjoying it on an ironic level. At least I hope so.

Even their overpriced and undertasty amusement park food wasn't quite as undertasty as most places we visited. The prize for the worst food on the trip, by the way, goes to the snack bar at Kennedy Space Centre. Never put rocket scientists in charge of curly fries. Apparently. Or perhaps it was meant to make us appreciate the flavour deprivation of deep space. Either way, hamburgers shouldn't be grey.

At this rate, Brett Favre will retire in 2028.

2007-10-30T08:21:00.000-04:00

All that talk last season about Brett Favre being past his prime, too slow, too grey, ready for retirement? Well, don't get the retirement party balloons out any time soon. Because this season has been Favre's best since before There's Something About Mary.

The Pack are 6-1. They've beaten some mediocre teams (New York Giants, I'm looking at you), some who should be better than they are (that'd be San Diego) plus a few that can surprise you any given Sunday (Philly, Minnesota). Their one loss came against a desperate Chicago team. And last night, after a typically low-scoring Monday night affair was tied up in the dying minutes, Favre stepped in with a pass for the first play of OT. Which went over 80-yards for the TD. Which he heaved one heck of a long way. Which means the Pack won yet another one - this time over Denver. Only this time the Pack actually had someone rush over 100 yards. The Pack with a running game? Maybe they can keep this up!

But when will we know for sure if this young Packer team is for real? Not for a few weeks - Kansas City, Minnesota and Carolina are next on the sched and it'll be hard to tell much from those games. Detroit is after that and that one's hard to figure too - it depends which Lions team shows up: the one that lost 56-21 to Philly or the one that beat Tampa Bay and embarrassed Chicago. Nope, circle November 29 on your calendar. That's Green Bay at Dallas. Let's see how they stack up against Romo and co.

But even if the season goes downhill from here, it's been a lot of fun watching a 38-year old future hall of famer playing with the joy and energy of a 22-year-old rookie. And hell, if Vinny Testaverde can still play at the age of 57, shouldn't Brett be good for a few more snaps?

So Unsexy

2007-10-29T10:15:00.000-04:00

Maxim Magazine - usually obsessed with who is sexy (Jessica Biel, apparently) - has taken a short diversion to declare once and for all who is not sexy. Their answer: Sarah Jessica Parker.

I love SJP. But I can't say I'm surprised. Lots of women and gay men love SJP. Because she dresses for and courts the approval of women and gay men. Straight men, well, they tend not to get it. Typically, if they watched Sex and the City, it was for the sex, not the fashion. And for them, SJP just isn't hot in a nubile Scarlett Johansson kind of way. Or, as the weary hubby would say when asked about SJP's elusive appeal: "Nah - way too pointy."

But is SJP really less sexy than, oh say, Teri Hatcher?

The Best Canuck Albums

2007-10-18T09:50:00.000-04:00

According to a survey of some 600 musicians, DJs, critics and music-sellers, these are the top 20 Canadian Albums of all time:

1. "Harvest," Neil Young (Reprise, 1972)
2. "Blue," Joni Mitchell (Reprise, 1970)
3. "After the Gold Rush," Neil Young (Reprise, 1970)
4. "Music From Big Pink," The Band (Capitol, 1968)
5. "Fully Completely," The Tragically Hip (MCA, 1992)
6. "Jagged Little Pill," Alanis Morisette (Maverick, 1995)
7. "The Band," The Band (Capitol, 1969)
8. "Funeral," Arcade Fire (Merge, 2004)
9. "Moving Pictures," Rush (Anthem, 1981)
10. "American Woman," The Guess Who (RCA, 1970)
11. "Songs of Leonard Cohen," Leonard Cohen (Columbia, 1967)
12. "Reckless," Bryan Adams (A&M, 1984)
13. "Five Days in July," Blue Rodeo (Warner, 1993)
14. "Twice Removed," Sloan (Geffen, 1994)
15. "Up To Here," The Tragically Hip (MCA, 1989)
16. "Everybody Knows This is Nowhere," Neil Young with Crazy Horse (Reprise, 1969)
17. "2112," Rush (Mercury 1976)
18. "Court and Spark," Joni Mitchell (Asylum, 1974)
19. "Whale Music," Rheostatics (Sire, 1992)
20. "Acadie," Daniel Lanois (Opal, 1989)

With the exception of Arcade Fire, things don't look so good for music made in the past decade or so.

And, hey, where's Platinum Blonde? And no Honeymoon Suite?

Seriously, though, Gordon Lightfoot doesn't crack our top 20? Given the 1970s-heavy group, that's a bit of shocker.

Unanswerable Question of the Week

2007-10-18T09:16:00.000-04:00

How, how, how is Josh Hartnett able to score such major babes?

This week, he was spotting making out with Rihanna. In the past, he's been linked with Scarlett Johansson, Penelope Cruz and Sienna Miller.

Which is pretty impressive for a guy whose most notable starring role came in the craptacular celibacy comedy 40 days and 40 nights - that is, if you don't count being out acted by Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbour (that's right, Ben Affleck).

So how does he score these women? Who does he think he is? Justin Timberlake?

Just asking.

Quote of the Week

2007-10-18T09:13:00.001-04:00

Jimmy Kimmel on Monday Night Football, when asked what he thinks of Tom Brady:

"What I'm impressed most with is he's able to impregnate two supermodels at once. That's better than any Super Bowls."

Not quite factual, but pretty funny nonetheless.

My Facebook

2007-10-18T08:21:00.000-04:00

Over the summer, a good friend suggested I try out Facebook (c'mon, everyone's doing it! It'll be fun! What's the harm?)

Oh, it's fun all right - but even more so, it is endlessly disturbingly addictive. I've spend hours playing Scrabulous, answering trivia questions, filling in ridiculous surveys and quizzes. I even adopted a little virtual pet (he's a penguin) and make catbook pages for my kitties (hey, don't judge me! Stop that. Stop with the judging!) Because millions of other people have done pretty much the same thing. The Toronto network alone has more than 900,000 members. That's a lot of inappropriate computer use at work, I'm thinking.

So what's the appeal?

I've been delighted to find a few old friends I thought were lost forever. A few folks found me that, to be honest, I hadn't really minded losing (I can't bring myself to say no to a friend request - it seems so Mean Girls). So, there are even one or two people on my friends list who I don't remember at all. All in all, reconnecting with lost friends - that's a big plus. Getting a quick update on friends' lives - that's another. The status updates alone provides a quick and dirty insight into what is up with your network.

An article in the Star today gives a whole other Facebook pastime: looking up old boyfriends. While this strikes me as a sort of bizarre form of self-flagellation and a nerdier version of that Bill Murray movie where he visits all his old girlfriends, I have to admit the ex-boyfriend factor is one I didn't anticipate when I signed on. It's an emotional landmine. The high school sweetheart of whom I have only happy memories - we're online friends, but in name only. His choice, not mine. The university boyfriend I shamefully treated worse than anyone ever in my life, well, he found me and has been gracious, funny and sweet about the whole thing. Which makes me feel a little bit worse but mostly a whole lot better.

I can't say I'm planning on looking up the rest of the old crushes and flings - self-flagellation has its limits.

War and Peace

2007-10-12T08:26:00.000-04:00

It's almost too stark a contrast.

Yesterday was the fifth anniversary of the day that the US Senate authorised George Bush's war in Iraq. Today, Al Gore was named the winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize.

It is almost exactly 7 years since George Bush won the Presidency of the United States, defeating Al Gore in the electoral college, despite the fact that half-a-million more Americans actually voted for Gore.

At the time, I wondered at the reasoning of middle America. Presented with a choice between two men - one of whom was clearly more charismatic and one of whom was clearly smarter - Americans went with the dumber but charming one. Now, I'm not one of those people who thinks Bush is an idiot. Idiots don't get elected President, no matter who their daddy is. Don't kid yourself: he's both clever and crafty. But book smart? Not so much. And, clearly, not as smart or thoughtful as Gore.

So, given the events of the past 5 years - thrown into stark contrast with today's Nobel announcement - one is almost forced to ask how different things might have been had Gore managed to win Florida and those last key electoral votes. Would a smarter, more cautious, President have changed America and the world?

It seems likely that 9-11 would still have taken place - Bin Ladin and his followers were mobilizing long before the election took place. But then what? An attack on Afghanistan? Probably - something had to be done about those training camps. A war in Iraq? Almost certainly not, given the utter lack of evidence to support it. And would a focus on one front have meant a different outcome in the morass that has become the war on terror? No one can really say for sure. Hell, perhaps we'd be even worse off. Perhaps the environment would still be a back-burner issue if Gore hadn't been free to create his Inconvenient Truth tipping point.

But a president who cares about the world, one capable of winning a Peace Prize, surely that would have offered more promise than one who reacted to terror with terror.