No Such Nonsense

A little of this, that and... what was I talking about again? It's TV, sports, pop culture and politics - all the stuff that really matters in life.

Monday, August 28, 2006

TV Rules: 25 Best Characters

You can't say you weren't warned...

Here are my 25 Best TV Characters Ever.(By the way, 25 is a lot. More than you'd think. This sh*t is hard!)

1. Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and The City.
Style, sex, SJP. Unless you're a girl or a gay man, you probably just don't get it. And, man, are you missing out. I can't help but wonder - how could anyone else possibly have come first?

2. Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
To avoid total chaos, I figure this list can only have one character per series and for Buffy that's a serious challenge. I considered Buffy, Oz, Giles, even Faith. But really, it came down to a race between Willow and Spike. Willow transformed from meek nerd-girl to all-powerful lesbian witch and stayed true to her sweet, doofy spirit throughout - except when she went seriously dark-hair-and-veiny-complexion evil. Though I loved Willow in all her incarnations, it's Spike who served as everything from comic foil to punching bag to Big Bad to romantic hero. He so kicked Angel's ass and you know it.

3. Arnold J. Rimmer, Red Dwarf.
Thank God for the BBC. Only there could arrogant, wormy, cowardly Rimmer live in all his brilliant, anal-retentive, hammond-organ-loving, Lister-tormenting glory. Haven't seen Red Dwarf? You must. Watch it now. Go. I'll wait.

4. Hurley, Lost.
Dude's got some issues, but you can't help rooting for him. Is he completely crazy? Is it his fault the plane crashed? Shouldn't he have lost more weight by now? Who cares; He's funny, warm and not obsessed with hatches, other people's babies or the Others. Should it worry me that the character I most relate to is probably off his nut?

5. Laine Kim, Gilmore Girls.
It would've been Lorelai if she weren't sure a drippy wimp this season. Instead, all praise to the plucky Korean, Seventh-Day-Adventist, rock-drummer, newlywed, diner-waitress Laine. As Rory's sounding board and her Star's Hollow best friend, Laine is all-too-often left on the sidelines. But her quirky romances, complicated mother issues and pitch-perfect taste in music make her infinitely more fun than Rory.

6. Edmund Blackadder, Blackadder.
Think Mr. Bean is funny? You have no idea. You can't know the true comic brilliance of Rowan Atkinson until you've sampled this bitter little treat. Sarcastic, scheming and almost always foiled, his Blackadder strives for power and riches that are temptingly close and always just out of reach. He's not above a good poop joke, either.

7. Carol Hathaway, ER
Carol (mostly) held her own in a crazy environment filled with bloody chaos, indecipherable medical jargon and ridiculously hot ex-boyfriend pediatricians. With a level head and strong sense of self, she showed why nurses are the true lifeblood of any hospital. Her final scene marked one of my favorite TV moments ever.

8. Pacey Witter, Dawson's Creek
It really toasts my marshmallows how this show gets no respect. The whole 'look who far Michelle Williams has come from Dawson's Creek to the Oscars' thing is total Hollywood elitism. Jack was kissing boys on DC long before Jake did it in Brokeback. Anyhoo, as to Pacey, he was the ultimate bad boy with a good heart. When Joey had to choose between perfect soulmate Dawson and deeply imperfect Pacey, it was no contest at all.

9. Jean-Luc Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Brainy Picard beats the hell out of brawny Kirk any day of the week. The too-die-for diction, courtesy of Patrick Stewart's classical stage training, made even Trek seem smart.

10 . Angela Chase. My So-Called Life.
Simply, the most realistic teenager ever on television. Sure, she could be annoying and whiney, but so could you at 15. Would she choose Jordan or Brian? Now, we'll never know.

11. Lisa Simpson, The Simpsons.
Sure, Bart and Homer get all the press, but it's smart, dependable Lisa who really is the heart of the show. She's my hero.

12. Seth Cohen, The O.C.
Yes, I do have a crush on Adam Brody. What's your point?

13. Chandler Bing, Friends.
It's pretty fashionable to slag on Friends lately. Ross, Rachel, who cares? But back in the day, Matthew Perry could make us laugh with every damn line he had. You know it's true.

14. Major Frank Burns, M.A.S.H.
Sure, it'd be easy to praise Hawkeye or Radar, but let's not forget one of the best comic villains of any TV show, ever.

15. Alex P. Keaton, Family Ties.
The Republican son of hippie parents, Alex could have been a total caricature (Mallory, anyone?). Instead, he is one of the most indelible characters of the 1980s. Thanks, Mike.

16. Dan Fielding, Night Court.
John Larroquette rules.

17. Lucy Ricardo, I Love Lucy.
She started it all. What else is there to say?

18. H.M. 'Mad' Murdock, The A-Team.
I totally have the theme song in my head now. You?

19. Philip J. Fry, Futurama.
A 20th-century slacker frozen in time and thawed out 1000 years later. Watch closely, for he is us.

20. The Janitor, Scrubs.
A bully? A misunderstood everyman? Funny as hell? Yup, it's that last one.

21. Mary Richards, The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Could be here for the iconic beret toss alone. Turns out she was pretty funny, too.

22. Denise Huxtable, The Cosby Show, A Different World
All the other Cosby kids were eventually going to get good jobs and make their parents proud. You just knew Denise was gonna drop out of college, bum around India and get into some actual trouble. Still, I never saw Angel Heart coming.

23. Dr. Johnny Fever, WKRP in Cincinnati
Stoned is funny. It just is. Ok. It just was. In the 70s. But in the 70s, stoned was definitely funny. Oh, by the way, drugs are bad. Just say no.

24. Jo Polniazek, The Facts of Life
You were thinking Tootie, maybe? No way, man. Jo's wrong-side-of-tracks appeal beats Tootie every time.

25. Amanda Woodward, Melrose Place.
Nobody plays bitchy better than Heather Locklear. And she hit her peak with man-eating ad-exec Amanda, turning Melrose from a dull tale of 'struggling 20-somethings in the city' to a must-see guilty pleasure. Everyone into the pool.


Post a Comment

<< Home