No Such Nonsense

A little of this, that and... what was I talking about again? It's TV, sports, pop culture and politics - all the stuff that really matters in life.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Counting down to my next abnormal obsession

Once football ends, what oh what will I possibly have to obsess about?

Thanks to CBS, I've already got my new obsession lined up. Starting Sunday, February 18, it's Amazing Race: All Stars.

I've been an Amazing Race gal since the very beginning, marvelling out how the pressures of the Race can bring out the very best and the very worst in people. Got some cracks in your relationship? The Race'll bring 'em to light, over and over again. Some people, and couples, emerge stronger and better for the experience. Others break down into a string of ugly Americanisms, tantrums and self-indulgent whining - a spiral known in my household as 'Pulling a Flo', lovingly named for a certain AR participant who showcased all of these traits and more every damn week while her put-upon partner did all the work.

Purist carp that All-Stars shows are lame but I disagree - I loved every second of Survivor All Stars (other than Amber winning over Rob - dumbass jury) and Big Brother All Stars too. Knowing the players means I'm caught up in the outcome from week 1. And they players knowing each other means that the dysfunctional dynamics are simmering from the start.

45,000 miles. 5 continents. 28 days. A whole bunch of serious meltdowns. Greater cultural awareness and understanding. A least one really gross food challenge. What's not to love?

Here's who is playing this year:

Kevin and Drew - Friends
These guys were the likable pals from season 1. Frat Brothers and New Yorkers, they ride on their goofy everyday guy vibe. They basically have no chance.

Oswald and Danny - Friends
Hooray for Team Cha Cha Cha. Best friends from Miami Beach, they are perfectly fabulous and delightfully bitchy. Expect some excellent soundbites and a certain above-it-all attitude.

John Vito and Jill - Exes
Fan favourites? Hardly. He's a meathead. She's just annoying. From them, we'll get some serious bickering and some seriously thick accents. They were dating on their original race, now they're exes. Hmm, that seems like a recipe for success.

Joyce and Uchenna - Married
Winners of Season 7, Joyce and Uchenna rank as one of the best AR teams ever. Almost unfailingly kind and respectful to one another (and other teams), they emerged as likable and worth rooting for. When Joyce shaved off her long braids as part of Fast Forward challenge, they showed they were tough competition too. The other teams will be gunning for them.

David and Mary - Married
A coalminer and his wife from Kentucky, they'd never been outside the United States as part of season 10. You could actually see their horizons expand as the weeks went on. However, they totally, totally suck at the Race and she is bizarrely nice to everyone else and shrewish to him. In other words, they are perfect All Stars, for the first two episodes or so.

Charla and Mirna - Cousins
Carla is a 'little person' you can't help but root for. Mirna is, well, a whiney bitch who let her cousin carry the load and who you can't help but wish would fall in a dark pit. Mirna also has a creepy crush on Phil, our host.

Rob and Amber - Married
Professional reality-show contestants Boston Rob and Ambuh are back. They used their 'celebrity' to great advantage last time, coming second to Uchenna and Joyce, and they are pretty good at this All Star thing.

Teri and Ian - Married
One pair in a long string of bitchy old people who treat each other with disdain. Fun stuff.

Eric and Danielle - Dating
Eric and his AR partner Jeremy finished second to the Hippies in Season 9. In the same season, Danielle and her partner Dani set out to prove that busty, ditzy, blond girls could win they race. They couldn't. Now Eric and Danielle are dating and have formed a new team. Uh, okay.

Joe and Bill - Life Partners
The team to hate - Team Guido of season 1 - are back in all their nasty, back-stabby colour-coordinated-windsuit-wearing glory.

Dustin and Kandice - Friends
Proof you don't have to be well liked by fans to become an All Star, Dustin and Kandice, the smugly self-involved beauty queens from last season are back for another season of tears and manipulation.

It's all about Joyce and Uchenna people - and watching Rob find new ways to screw people over. Always a good time.


  • At 12:16 a.m., Blogger the2scoops said…

    Just once, can we let Phil actually say what he thinks of contestants. Lord knows he's just dying to tell someone how much of a selfish, d-bag tool they are, and they don't deserve a partner, who incidentally, is probably the only reason they'll finish the race alive. "Now get off my f'ing mat and make way for some decent human beings."

    Because he usually says it with his eyes.

    I'm backing Team Romber on this race.

  • At 8:58 a.m., Blogger Jenster said…

    Actually, according to Entertainment Weekly, Phil doesn't say it with his eyes. He says it with his eyebrows. Check it out - they're abnormally expressive.

  • At 1:03 p.m., Blogger the2scoops said…

    So could Phil's eyebrows out-emote Peter Gallagher's eyebrows? Lord knows Peter's eyebrows could outact Mischa Barton...


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