No Such Nonsense

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Stronach caught up in Domi divorce

Ew, Ew, Ew, Ew, Ewwwwwwww!

Belinda, I think it's time we had a chat. I'm worried about you. Your professional slide is one thing: from CEO of Magna to conservative power broker to legitimate Tory leadership hopeful to cabinet minister to turncoat to, well, I guess you're still in the Liberal caucus. So you went from one of the most powerful businesswomen in the world to a second-tier politician in the official opposition. It's true, that is kind of sad. But all of that wouldn't matter so much if it weren't accompanied by a much more worrying personal disaster.

Tie freaking Domi? Seriously?

I mean, the first husband was all business. He ran Magna, had daddy's blessing and seemed like a solid guy. Then, you seriously traded up. Husband number two was legendary Olympian Johann Olaf Koss. The guy is maybe the greatest winter Olympian of all time and a humanitarian to boot. That one went belly up and as you entered politics, along came Peter MacKay. Young, bright, pretty and a moderate conservative, he seemed made for you. For a while, it was Ken and Barbie in the corridors of power. Too bad about Stephen Harper winning the leadership, dashing your hopes and driving you across the floor and away from Peter. It wasn't so bad, really - he was a bit of wimp in the end. But he won the PR battle and made you look like the heartbreaker. The Bill Clinton rumours kept resurfacing - but you wouldn't sleep with a married guy, would you? Would you?

Which brings us to Tie Domi. Tie freaking Domi? Seriously? The cro-magnon meathead? Of all the athletes in Toronto you choose the married ex-enforcer with the square head and no visible neck?

Stop the slide, Belinda, before it's too late. At this rate, you're gonna end up with one of Mel Lastman's sons. And who wants that? That's right, no-body!


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